1 May 1928 It turned out that dancing was the same everywhere. It wasn't something Louise Lloyd took for granted, but after ten months in Paris, it was something she was grateful for. Aquarius, the club closest to her apartment in the 18th arrondissement, was much like her beloved Zodiac in many ways: sweeping dance floor, big band, tables and the bar placed in as an afterthought. Every time she went, it made her homesick for something she once had. She had spent all of the time, from club opening to club closing, on the dance floor. Her body hurt. She had been passed from blandly handsome Frenchman to blandly handsome Frenchman, not once caring that they were using her as an object, not seeing her as a person. Louise was doing the same thing to them. She carried her shoes, gravel and stones scratching at her stockings. It was three in the morning, and Aquarius had just closed. Rather than call a cab, it was nice enough for her to walk. She wasn't that drunk; she'd never let herself drink too much again, and the night had a hazy, dewy feeling to it. If she were back in New York, if Gilbert, then his sister, had never happened, she would have piled into a cab with Rosa Maria and Rafael, laughed at nothing, and let it whisk her back to the apartment. Ten months on her own. She had the stack of correspondence on her desk to prove it. She was bad at letters, something she learned when her boat docked. The past months had been quiet, in a good way. Louise had learned she liked normal hobbies, fostering a love of photography. She learned that she could survive on her own, something she thought she couldn't do. If the past two years had taught her anything, it was that she was stronger than she realized. The room she rented was at the top of the building, maid's quarters. To access the apartment, she had to go up five flights of stairs, exit into the warm night air, and climb another set of stairs. It usually wasn't awful, but after a night of being on her feet, the last thing she wanted to do was climb them. So, she sank down to the stairs, feeling the cool cement through the thin fabric of her dress and her stockings. She put her shoes back on, letting relief flood through her. From here, she could wait and rest, and muster the energy to take these stairs. No one looked at her, no one cared. Paris was a lot like New York in that way. No one cared about anyone else. She was in her own little bubble, and she liked it like that. She had work the next day; in fact, she had work in mere hours. Louise dug into her tiny purse, pulling out a cigarette and her book of matches. Compared to everything else she had done, it was a job she could do half asleep or with her head in the clouds. And that was soothing. Louise watched couples walk home, cars pass her on the street. She smiled and waved at her Irish neighbor. The man lived right below her and fancied himself a playwright. He was astoundingly annoying, but he was also the closest thing she had to a friend in her building. She allowed him to pull her up and support her as they climbed the stairs together. He too was drunk, drunker than she was, and it turned out she was supporting him more than the other way around. "Good night?" Ciarán asked as Louise got him to his door. "Sure was," Louise said. "You'll be okay?" "Always am, Tiny." He could get on her nerves, but she genuinely liked him. She liked his optimism, which only shined when he was this drunk. He didn't return the question; he never did. It was just as well. Louise wasn't sure how she'd answer. 2 Mornings were for stopping by Dauphine's Café. Dauphine's on Rue Bachaumont was where Louise went every morning for coffee before work. This was partly because the lovely café reminded her of the one she worked in back home, partly because it was the best coffee she had ever tasted, but mostly because the Dauphine daughter, Clémence, was beautiful. Louise had had a crush on her from the moment she moved to Paris. They had nearly the same skin color, but Clémence wore it better. She kept her hair long, always secured at the nape of her neck. She had a gap between her two front teeth that she was shy about. Sometimes, she'd laugh, then clap a hand over her mouth. Clémence was behind the counter, wearing a blue gingham dress with her hair pulled back. She was intently reading something, her nose wrinkling, as Louise pushed the door open. "We're closed," Clémence said. "Would you make an exception?" Louise asked. Clémence looked up, her face brightening as she saw Louise. "You do this every morning." "It's not my fault your café and my store open at the same time." Louise closed the door behind her. She was early-thirty minutes, in fact. "No one in the world makes coffee like you do." "You Americans and your coffee. I will never understand the love affair. Come on." Clémence put her magazine away as Louise sat at the counter and began the work of preparing two cups of coffee. Clémence was a recent convert, only because of Louise. "How was your night?" Louise asked. Clémence rolled her warm brown eyes. She was always trying to play coy, but this is what Louise knew about her: she was an only child, and she was intent on being an actress. What she really wanted was to move to America and star in films. Clémence began to pour the coffee, evenly splitting it between two cups. Louise was never sure if Clémence liked drinking coffee, or if she did it because Louise did. Adding a tiny bit of sugar, and then cream, Clémence pushed a cup toward Louise. Even for someone who didn't like coffee, Clémence's was amazing. It was everything Louise needed in the early morning. Clémence wiped her hands on her apron, leaning forward on the counter. They were inches away; Louise could see her perfect philtrum over her perfect lips. "You know," Louise said, "I live above Ciarán Dunne. I'm sure he knows someone looking for an actress. And he does owe me a favor. Or two." Ciarán was the most hapless person she had ever met, including herself. He managed to conjure up trouble just by existing. "I would love that," Clémence said. "I would love anything. How did you end up living above Ciarán Dunne?" It had been an accident; Louise had never heard of the Irish playwright before she had the misfortune of moving in above him. "I'll see what I can do." Louise winked. By the time Louise arrived, every weekday night after work and before Aquarius, Le Chat Noir was always busy. Her group of friends was always seated on the patio, away from the smoky distractions of music; they were already locked in a myriad of discussions. "Louise!" Doris, Black, beautiful, and talented, was the lead singer of a jazz band that hailed from Nebraska. They had gotten to Paris just before Louise had and had already taken up residence in a club nearby. Doris rose from her seat, handing Louise a glass. She was smoking, in intense discussions with Queenie and Tootsie. Toward the end of the table, which was actually several small circular tables pushed together under the awning to protect themselves from sporadic Paris rain, Ciarán and Monty were in a loud political discussion. Maude was jotting notes in a notebook. Le Chat Noir was home, more than any home had ever been. It was the place for immigrants, most of them Black, all of them starving artists. In fact, more often than not, Ciarán was the only white face in the crowd. It was where they met to discuss art and life. Louise was happy to sit back and watch. The best part was that she didn't have to say much. Artists, by design or necessity, only cared about themselves. "TINY!" Ciarán got more Irish as he drank, his accent heavier. He rose, his jacket already discarded, sleeves rolled to the elbows. His face was ruddy, and he wrapped Louise up in a big bear hug, effectively lifting her off of her feet. Seats were rearranged; Louise slipped in between Nathan and Doris. "What are you talking about?" Louise asked. There was one thing they were talking about tonight. "Iris Wright," Doris said. Iris Wright was an artist making her name known in all the circles in Paris. Her work was immaculate, unnerving. She painted herself and other subjects in Renoir's hazy, impressionist style. Louise had seen her work. The papers raved about her. Monty exhaled. "I don't know why we have to discuss her every night." He sipped from his glass as Ciarán patted Monty on the back. It was true, they didn't have to discuss her every night, but they did. There was something about her. It was easy to sense jealousy from Monty. "Because she's interesting," Ditsie said. "And has accomplished something you haven't been able to." One of three Moulin Rouge dancers that spend a ton of time at the cabaret before and between their shows, Ditsie was always reading something. She was with the other girls, Queenie and Tootsie. All three were varying shades of brown, impossibly long and thin. All three had glasses of water in front of them. They often seemed as if they were one person separated into three bodies. Ditsie wore a pair of cheaters, low on her nose, and she looked up at Monty over the rims. "Or do you have a showing coming up?" She was the only person who could truly take him down a peg. Queenie giggled behind her fan. Monty sighed and turned away. "She's not even very good," Monty said with a pout. Nathan was writing, as he usually was, saying less than Louise. Louise always wondered if they would end up in a book of his, parts and pastiches of the people they actually were. "And you think you are?" Ditsie asked, her eyes still narrow on Monty. "Well, I think they're both good," Louise said, trying to keep the peace. "But who is better?" Ditsie asked. In a different world, she would make quite the politician. She was unrelenting, unyielding, ready to get her way by any means possible. It was something Louise respected, admired, and feared. "Iris." Louise lit a cigarette. "I thought we were friends, Louise," Monty said. He stood up from the table with a huff. The women dissolved into fits of laughter. It was like being surrounded by sisters, something Louise missed. That was her fault; Minna and Josie wrote, and Louise never responded. Minna was thriving as a wife and mother, and Louise hoped she was happy with her choices. "You know," Nathan said, leaning forward to capture everyone's attention, "they say she hasn't been seen in weeks." "Stop it," Tootsie said. "You're telling lies," Doris countered. Nathan raised both hands, moving away. "I heard from a friend of a friend." "You know how artists are," Maude spoke up. It was easy to forget that the woman was there. She was tiny, smaller than Louise, and slimmer, if that were possible. Her voice was quiet, sometimes impossible to hear. That was usually a moot point: Maude was always too busy writing to say anything. "So temperamental. She's probably spending some time in Nice or Burgundy or whatever it is rich white folks do." Ciarán tilted his head. "Artists are so temperamental. So's Monserrat." Only Ciarán could invoke Monty's full name. Up until this moment, Louise had been sure it was Montague. "Is she really rich, though?" Doris asked. Clever and introspective, Doris' main talent, aside from singing, was asking questions no one had the answer to. "You know what I would do with all that money?" Maude asked. "Get a divorce." She raised her painted-on eyebrows and returned to the pages in front of her. "If you could go anywhere, where would you go?" Ciarán asked. Silly question. For every person at those tables, they were exactly where they wanted to be. May 18th, 1927 Lovie, I've stopped counting the days since you've left. I've decided that in these letters, I'm only going to focus on good things. Happy things. I miss you. That's not a happy thing. Business is good. You've left us in quite capable hands. Anna has taken over running the club, and Schoonmaker's house. She seems to like it. She runs the Dove like you did. A tight ship. I know you don't want me to talk about her, I think, but my sister is also good. She's recovering well. I thought she'd fall to pieces, but then I guess I don't know my own sister very well. Before you ask, no, she hasn't met anyone new yet. I suppose you'll tell me when you meet someone? I don't want to be a go-between with you two. I don't want to be caught in the middle. I'm going to give her your address, and she can write you, if she wants. And that way . . . I love both of you. You're both my sisters. And I thought maybe the two of you would be fine. Together forever. But since that didn't happen, I want to say that I'm not getting in between you two. I can't. I guess it will be easier with an ocean in the way. I will say this, though, I know she misses you and you must miss her, and I don't know what happened. (Do you?) I'm not getting in the middle of it. The summer seems to be dragging on and it's barely begun. It's not the same without you here. I keep thinking about the long nights at the Zodiac, and how I wanted the Dove to be like it. I want people to feel safe in my club. I keep turning to the bar and thinking that's where you'll be. Eugene has taken over there, but I don't know if you've noticed, he isn't exactly very . . . bright. I feel bad saying it, but it's true. Did you know? How could you not tell me? I thought we would be happy together, but now I'm not so sure. I am sure he'll write you, but if he doesn't, Schoonmaker sends his love. He's decided to start hosting a poker tournament, and he says that it's a shame you can't be here to help him win. (Did you ever tell him I'm the one who taught you how to play?) Either way, we both send our love, and we both hope that you write us soon. Excerpted from A Lethal Lady by Nekesa Afia All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
