If I don't laugh, I'll cry How death, debt, and comedy led to a life of faith, farming, and forgetting what I came into this room for ..

Molly Stillman, 1985-

Book - 2024

"In this laugh-out-loud and heartfelt memoir, writer, speaker, and podcaster Molly Stillman shares her unforgettable story of losing her mother, squandering an unexpected quarter-of-a-million-dollar inheritance in less than two years, attempting to launch a career in comedy but ending up on a farm instead, and finding faith, hope, and joy in the middle of it all"--

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  • Foreword
  • Author's Note
  • Well, Allow Me to Make Your Acquaintance
  • Chapter 1. Windfall
  • Chapter 2. Boy Meets Girl
  • Chapter 3. Where are the Cameras?
  • Chapter 4. What Did You Do in the War, Mommy?
  • Chapter 5. Dead Birds in the Walls
  • Chapter 6. Land Yacht
  • Chapter 7. Constrictive Bronchiolitis and Granulomatosis with Polyangiitis
  • Chapter 8. The Grotto of Lourdes
  • Chapter 9. Doubting Thomas
  • Chapter 10. Making Friends
  • Chapter 11. Twenty-One Doves
  • Chapter 12. The World is Not Enough
  • Chapter 13. Go Big or Go Rome!
  • Chapter 14. Graduation Song
  • Chapter 15. Broke(n)
  • Chapter 16. The Boyfriend Chapter
  • Chapter 17. North Carolina
  • Chapter 18. Harvey Wallbanger
  • Chapter 19. I Blame Toby Keith
  • Chapter 20. New Hope
  • Chapter 21. Green Acres
  • Chapter 22. It is Finished
  • Acknowledgments
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

In this high-spirited debut memoir, Still Being Molly blogger Stillman traces her rocky path from grief to faith and the trials she faced on the way. As a child, Stillman loved to make people laugh and dreamed of Saturday Night Live fame. Life began to unravel after her mother's 2002 death from a possible autoimmune disease, however, and when the 21-year-old author received a quarter-million-dollar inheritance from an estranged grandmother in 2006, she quickly began burning through it ("When I missed my mom, I spent money. When my boyfriend and I argued, I spent money"). She moved to New York City after college graduation to pursue a comedy career, and here describes dizzying days spent at comedy shows, "meeting random guys at bars," and generally "chasing after worldly idols like fame, fortune, men, and status" before facing up to her credit card debt of more than $36,000, a "rock bottom" moment that led her to a deep faith. While the two sometimes mesh awkwardly, Stillman's spiritual insights are affecting and her candid humor entertains, as when she recalls "being talked off the edge by a customer service representative" helping her survey her debt ("I can only assume our call was being recorded for quality assurance purpose. Whoever reviewed was in for a real doozy"). Readers will be won over by Stillman's no-holds-barred account of finding God and herself. (Mar.)

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