Nobody wants your sh*t The art of decluttering before you die

Messie Condo

Book - 2023

"Inspired by The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, Nobody Wants Your Sh*t will light a fire under your untidy ass with humor and helpful organizing tips that you'll actually want to use. Like a delightfully foul-mouthed best friend, this book dishes out the funny, unpretentious advice you need to hear most. You'll discover how to deal with your sh*t like there's no tomorrow, live in the moment without the f*cking mess, and make your life and your eventual death a hell of a lot easier." -- Back cover.

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  • A note to anyone who's here because they loved Tidy the F * ck Up
  • Introduction
  • Chapter 1. Why You Need this Sh * t Now
  • The right headspace changes everything
  • You'll have more time to reap the benefits
  • Living in peace is better than resting in peace
  • It's not going to get any easier while you keep accumulating crap
  • You're never going to "get around to it"
  • You can't die until you clean out your garage
  • No one has time to deal with your shit
  • Forget dying-moving really sucks
  • Grieving is hard enough
  • Chapter 1 Checklist
  • Chapter 2. Stop Buying into Your Own Bullsh * t
  • Your excuses are trash
  • Which excuse sounds like you?
  • No, you're not going to need it someday
  • Dishes are meant to be used, not displayed
  • You have time to watch bad TV
  • Guilt is for suckers
  • Your sanity is more important than the money you spent
  • There's more than one way to jog a memory
  • That stuff belonged to the old you
  • It's not a damn security blanket
  • There's nothing homey about a house full of junk
  • You're not the only one who thinks it's a pain in the ass
  • Relief beats regret every day of the week
  • "Wasteful" is holding onto shit you don't use
  • Your color-coordinated storage bins are bullshit
  • One man's trash is another unrelated man's treasure
  • You won't miss what you haven't laid eyes on in years
  • You only think you're happy living this way
  • Chapter 2 Checklist
  • Chapter 3. Simplify Your F*cking Life
  • Decide to go all-in on getting your sh * t together
  • Imagine creating a space you can't get enough of
  • A little prep goes a long way
  • Your time is worth more than your Cabbage Patch Kid
  • Be smart about who you choose to ask for help
  • Become a decision-making machine
  • Draw a line in the sand and stick to it
  • Use it or lose it applies to more than high-school French
  • Take a breath-burnout is a bitch
  • Work backward from the stuff you can't live without
  • Practice makes perfectly adequate decluttering skills
  • Memory Lane is a dead-end street
  • Look into each object's future
  • Remember what they say about assuming
  • Rehome the laundry chair
  • Or use the laundry chair to your advantage
  • Clothing
  • Childlike optimism is for children, loving yourself is for adults
  • Be just as realistic about what you need as what you don't
  • You have lived too long to own shitty clothing
  • Ask yourself what it's worth to you
  • Decor
  • You shouldn't need a storage unit for seasonal decor
  • Recognize when you don't even see it anymore
  • Storage areas
  • If you can't fit a car in your garage, you have missed the point
  • Storage units are an expensive cry for help
  • Random crap
  • If it doesn't have a home, its home is in the trash
  • There are no forgotten million-dollar antiques in your attic
  • You shouldn't be able to supply an Office Depot from your home office
  • That cold medicine stopped working five years ago
  • Buying a cookbook and making a recipe are not the same thing
  • How many fucking screwdrivers do you need?
  • Don't even think about having a yard sale
  • When all else fails, bring in the big guns
  • Realize that perfection is a shitty goal
  • Chapter 3 Checklist
  • Chapter 4. Get Your Sh * t Together
  • Get your affairs in order so your kids don't have to
  • Ask for help when you need it-just not from your kids
  • Heirlooms
  • Approach potential inheritors with the same caution as wild animals
  • Your kid probably doesn't want your wedding dress
  • They don't want the antiques either
  • The good dishes are probably headed for the rage room
  • Costume jewelry is for tea parties and drag shows
  • Documents
  • Clean out your damn computer
  • Learn the difference between important and unimportant
  • A pile of papers without labels helps no one
  • Accounts
  • Your money goes more places than you do
  • If you can't remember your passwords, your family's screwed
  • Burn boxes
  • Friends don't let friends' loved ones see their browsing history
  • Some things are only important to you
  • Final arrangements
  • Decision time-who gets the autographed baseball?
  • Your loved ones can't read your fucking mind
  • Give your kids permission to throw it all out
  • Clue in anyone who needs to know where you keep the goods
  • Pass down the stories, not the stuff
  • Realize that your inbox will never be empty
  • Chapter 4 Checklist
  • Chapter 5. Live Your Damn Life (Clutter Free)
  • Take in all that uncluttered glory
  • Revel in those benefits you've been working toward
  • Use some fucking common sense
  • Make better choices
  • Remember why you did all this in the first place
  • Put some mental effort in before you buy sh * t
  • Look for decluttering opportunities-they're everywhere!
  • Light a fire under the asses of reluctant family members
  • Get all the family tea while you can
  • Fill the rest of your life with experiences, not stuff
  • Cut yourself some slack once in a while
  • Live (probably longer) without regret or guilt
  • Chapter 5 Checklist