Failures of forgiveness : what we get wrong and how to do better

Failures of forgiveness What we get wrong and how to do better

Myisha V. Cherry

Book - 2023

"Sages from Cicero to Oprah have told us that forgiveness requires us to let go of negative emotions and that it has a unique power to heal our wounds. In Failures of Forgiveness, Myisha Cherry argues that these beliefs couldn't be more wrong--and that the ways we think about and use forgiveness, personally and as a society, can often do more harm than good. She presents a new and healthier understanding of forgiveness--one that will give us a better chance to recover from wrongdoing and move toward 'radical repair.' Cherry began exploring forgiveness after some relatives of the victims of the mass shooting at Emanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston, South Carolina, forgave what seemed unforgiveable. She was troubled that ma...ny observers appeared to be more inspired by these acts of forgiveness than they were motivated to confront the racial hatred that led to the killings. That is a big mistake, Cherry argues. Forgiveness isn't magic. We can forgive and still be angry, there can be good reasons not to forgive, and forgiving a wrong without tackling its roots solves nothing. Examining how forgiveness can go wrong in families, between friends, at work, and in the media, politics, and beyond, Cherry addresses forgiveness and race, canceling versus forgiving, self-forgiveness, and more. She takes the burden of forgiveness off those who have been wronged and offers guidance both to those deciding whether and how to forgive and those seeking forgiveness. By showing us how to do forgiveness better, Failures of Forgiveness promises to transform how we deal with wrongdoing in our lives, opening a new path to true healing and reconciliation"--

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Subjects
Forgiveness > Philosophy.
Restorative justice.
Published
Princeton, New Jersey : Princeton University Press 2023.
Language
English
Main Author
Myisha V. Cherry (author)
Physical Description
viii, 227 pages ; 22 cm
Bibliography
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN
9780691223193
  • Introduction: Forgiveness and magical thinking
  • What to expect when you are expecting forgiveness
  • Forgivers and withholders
  • Making a good ask
  • Forgiveness as political project
  • When race matters
  • Home improvement
  • The business of forgiveness
  • Canceling versus forgiving
  • Forgiving yourself
  • Radical repair: With or without forgiveness
  • Conclusion: Doing forgiveness better.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Cherry (The Case for Rage), an assistant professor of philosophy at the University of California--Riverside, investigates in this nuanced survey how humans do (or don't) come to terms with the bitter past. Despite a "narrow definition, amplified in popular culture," forgiveness involves a constellation of practices and aims, according to Cherry, who contrasts "superficial repair," or forgiving without tackling the core of the wrongdoing, with a "radical repair" that entails "addressing the root of the problem aiming for change." Cherry associates the latter approach with such figures as Martin Luther King Jr., who responded with "kindness and generosity" toward a woman who stabbed him in 1958. Elsewhere, Cherry contends that withholding forgiveness can represent a kind of boldness in modern Western society, in which the wronged--especially nonwhites and women--are pressured to publicly "forgive and forget." Readers can be better "extenders, promoters, and withholders of forgiveness" by understanding its breadth and doing more on either side of the forgiveness equation, whether that means one needs to "fire an employee, cut off a family member, cancel a celebrity, continue therapy, or live with regret." Referencing the Bible, Shakespeare, and pop culture, Cherry powerfully frames forgiveness as both a philosophical conceit and an individualized practice, and assures readers, "We only have to learn to do forgiveness better, not perfectly." It's a first-rate work from a penetrating mind. (Sept.)

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Review by Library Journal Review

Deciding whether to forgive someone can be a fraught topic for many readers. In this thoughtful book, Emotion and Society Lab director Cherry (philosophy, Univ. of California, Riverside; The Case for Rage: Why Anger Is Essential to Anti-Racist Struggle) explores many aspects and nuances of the concept of offering mercy and grace to others. The author argues that forgiving people does not mean letting go of all grievances; it can also include holding onto anger or accepting that a relationship will never be the same. The book also explores the many ways that forgiveness can be given and explains why it may or may not be appropriate for someone to ask for it and why it might appropriately be withheld. Cherry draws upon examples from real life and from literature. She does not shy away from examining potential social or political ramifications of calls for forgiveness from external parties. VERDICT Best for academic and public libraries where psychological or philosophical works are popular. This will attract readers eager to delve into forgiveness in its many forms.--Amber Gray

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