Welcome to consent How to say no, when to say yes, and how to be the boss of your body

There's been a lot of conversation regarding consent and its place in intimate relations. This selection takes a broader definition, extending consent into all social interactions, real world and virtual. Upbeat text, cheerful illustrations, and entertaining graphics convey body-affirming messages, reminding young adults that they are the bosses of their own bodies and they get to determine physical, social, and emotional boundaries of touching, hearing, seeing, and being seen. Relatable scenarios define challenging situations (power imbalances, peer pressure, cultural differences) and offer suggestions on handling uncomfortable encounters using precise words and phrases. There's advice about when to keep secrets and when not to, along with where, and how, to ask for help. The final portion of the book deals with more mature content. Readers are asked if they're ready to read about serious stuff (porn, intercourse, legal age of consent and consequences, hookups, sexting, etc.) and if not, advised to just skip it until later. The accurate medical information, practical advice, relevant examples, lists of resources, and visual appeal make this an approachable and accessible guide for teens.

The authors and illustrator of Welcome to Your Period! (2021) return with a guide for empowering youths in a variety of situations where personal choice is a must. Giving and getting consent can be challenging to navigate, whether it's about lending a shirt, watching a scary movie, using alcohol, or sexting. By exploring different ways of communicating yes and no, talking about consent with others, managing uncertainty, and acknowledging the freedom to change your mind, this handbook provides opportunities to build confidence and bolster personal autonomy. The authors cover the ways consent can be difficult, such as when there is fear of disappointing others or hurting feelings; how power dynamics, shyness, or feeling inexperienced can impact situations; and how society and culture have made it hard to talk about consent. Using quotes from young people and adults, the book takes an inclusive approach; the full-color, cartoon-style illustrations showcase diversity in religion, race, gender, disability, and sexuality. The section discussing sexual matters, for which consent is essential, opens by acknowledging that not all readers will be ready for the information it covers and directs those who wish to skip over it to the next section, which is about peer support. The advice includes assumptions that young people generally have access to health classes that discuss contraception and that everyone would feel comfortable seeking help from the police, but overall this volume is thorough and empowering. An informative and comprehensive guide to giving and getting consent. (glossary, resources) (Nonfiction. 11-18) Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

THE GOLDEN RULES OF CONSENT Consent can be very simple: it's an agreement between people, or permission for something to happen. "Yes, you can borrow my T-shirt!" you say to a friend. That sounds pretty straightforward, right? But what if you didn't know that your friend was planning to take your T-shirt to summer camp--dirty, gross summer camp? What if you said your brother could borrow it that one time, but now he thinks it's OK to borrow your T-shirt anytime --without asking first? And wait, what if the person asking is a teacher ? Consent is about more than just saying yes or no. So here are some golden rules about consent --using a T-shirt as an example--that are good for keeps! Consent needs to be COMMUNICATED You've got to say it, to the best of your ability. Communicate! "Yes, you can borrow my T-shirt!" Out loud is best, with a clear yes or no, but there are also other ways to make yourself clear. Consent needs to be SPECIFIC You can't consent unless you know what you're consenting to . "Yes, you can borrow my T-shirt tomorrow" doesn't mean you're lending it forever. If you didn't know about the dirty summer camp, then you didn't have enough information to fully consent. And saying yes doesn't mean you're lending your favorite pair of shorts at the same time. Unless you specifically say so! Consent can CHANGE You can change your mind! And it doesn't matter why you change your mind--you might have no reason, you might get new information (like they're taking it mud-wrestling--noooo!), or you might see your friend treating your T-shirt in a way you don't like. And even if you agreed to lend your T-shirt once, you can still change your mind. Actually, no! Consent should be ENTHUSIASTIC and FREELY GIVEN I suppose so . . . You should feel happy and comfortable lending someone your T-shirt, and not like you've been coerced or tricked into doing it against your will. You can't give consent when you're half-asleep, for example! If you're clutching your T-shirt to your chest with big scared eyes and shaking your head while saying yes in a tiny voice, then your consent has not been enthusiastically or freely given. POWER matters We'll go into this more on page 96, but it's much harder to give real consent if the person wanting to borrow your T-shirt is in a position of authority over you--whether that's official authority (like a teacher, doctor, or police officer) or social authority (the most popular person in your class). Ideally they would recognize that their position makes it harder for you to give real consent, but sometimes they won't. So you need to know how to protect yourself--and your T-shirt--in a situation like this! Consent can be easy . . . or not Consent happens in everyday situations where you might not even think about it--like when a friend suggests you both go hang out at their house after school and you agree. Or--yes!--when someone is borrowing a T-shirt. But at other times, it can be more stressful, like: "Ooooh. They want my consent for a kiss. This feels so serious." Or "Eek! I don't know how to say no to this! I need to withhold consent." Sometimes it will feel weird to be so up-front about consent, especially if a situation is unfamiliar or new. But that doesn't mean you have to do whatever is asked of you. Sometimes your body gives out signals that things feel weird. You might breathe a bit faster or have a tiny, uncomfortable knot in your stomach. This book will help you learn to pay attention to those signals, and trust in them--because they're telling you something important! Sticking up for yourself is important, too. So we'll help you learn to step through the weird feelings and connect with your true wants and needs. We'll talk a lot more about listening to that inner voice and looking out for those signs. Remember, when it comes to your own body, you are always in charge. Consent is a two-way street Sometimes you're the one asking to borrow a T-shirt and other times you're the one lending it. The rules are the same regardless! WHAT'S AWESOME ABOUT CONSENT? The best thing about making an effort to discuss consent with someone is that you both know what's going on! You leave the guesswork behind. If you are clear about what you're allowing someone to do--or what they're allowing you to do--then no one has to wonder anymore. You ask. And they answer! They ask. And you answer! When you say yes--or someone says yes to you--it should feel good. It means you both want to share an experience, experiment together, or do something fun together. It means you know for sure the other person is into the same thing you are--whether it's ordering hot fries with gravy or kissing! "When it's right, you just kind of feel warm and comforted." Mel Kettle "It's kind of like driving. You never want to be in autopilot mode. You want to be in active mode--looking for those tells. Actively asking if that person is comfortable." Luke, 17 Sometimes no is even more beautiful than yes, even though we tend to think we should always be aiming to hear a yes answer. No --or nonconsent--is beautiful because it means the person communicating this has shown you where their boundaries are. They have done it in such a clear way that they trust you can understand and accept their refusal. By saying no, they have created an understanding between you that maybe wasn't there before. "I respect it when people offer to help and also are respectful of my choice to decline their offer of help. The key here is to offer the disabled person a choice instead of telling them you are doing it." Nicole Lee "It's one thing to ask a question and then act like either answer to the question [yes or no] would be OK--it's another thing to be able to enthusiastically hear the word no. We don't lean into rejection very often." Nevo Zisin Excerpted from Welcome to Consent: How to Say No, When to Say Yes, and How to Be the Boss of Your Body by Yumi Stynes, Melissa Kang All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.