Disentangling from emotionally immature people Avoid emotional traps, stand up for your self, and transform your relationships as an adult child of emotionally immature parents
Book - 2023
"In this essential handbook, best-selling author Lindsay Gibson provides adult children of emotionally immature parents (ACEIPs) everyday solutions to help them deal with any emotionally immature person. Readers will find insights and explorations into the most common challenges ACEIPs face, as well as tips for building self-confidence, setting boundaries, and establishing healthier relationships"--
Saved in:
- Subjects
- Genres
- Self-help publications
Handbooks and manuals - Published
-
Oakland, CA :
New Harbinger Publications
[2023]
- Language
- English
- Main Author
- Item Description
- "Includes tips, strategies, exercises, and reflections" -- Cover.
- Physical Description
- vii, 237 pages ; 23 cm
- Bibliography
- Includes bibliographical references (pages 228-232) and index.
- ISBN
- 9781648481512
- Introduction
- Part I. Why EIPs Are the Way They Are
- 1. How would I know if someone was emotionally immature?
- Hallmark traits of emotional immaturity
- 2. How can my grown-up parents be immature?
- Understanding emotional immaturity
- 3. Are both my parents immature?
- Different types of El parents
- 4. Why do they act like that?
- Spotting immature coping styles and defenses
- 5. They are so contradictory; it baffles me.
- Why EIPs are inconsistent and extreme
- 6. Why is it always about them?
- How EIPs see the world
- 7. Nothing I do is ever enough.
- Why nothing makes EIPs happy for long
- 8. Why is it so hard to get close or share anything real with them?
- Why EIPs shut down emotional intimacy
- 9. Why do they make it so hard to want to be around them?
- Why EI behavior makes you need to get away
- 10. Is there hope for a better relationship?
- Can EIPs ever change?
- Part II. How EIPs Have Affected You
- 11. My siblings had the same parents. Why are we so different?
- Sibling differences and two types of ACEIPs
- 12. It's like I don't exist around them. Why won't they listen or take my feelings into account?
- Claim your boundaries, subjectivity, and individuality
- 13. I had to be the responsible one, the little grown-up, my parent's confidant.
- Growing up too fast-the high cost of your precocity
- 14. I'm successful and have built a good life, but sometimes I feel like a fake.
- Completing your unfinished self-concept
- 15. Why can't they give me a little positive feedback?
- Why EIPs don't recognize your efforts
- 16. I easily feel guilty, selfish, afraid, and full of self-doubt.
- Seeing through emotional coercion
- 17. They always seem morally superior and "righteous."
- Narcissistic EIPs and false moral obligation
- 18. My parent's religion made me feel afraid and unworthy.
- Finding your own religion and spirituality
- 19. I was taught to believe things about myself that just aren't true.
- When self-criticism reflects old brainwashing
- 20. I get overly emotionally involved in the EIP's needs and problems.
- Stop emotional takeovers and overidentification
- 21. I can't think straight around them. I get confused and inarticulate.
- Clearing up brain scramble
- 22. I can't stand up to them. They always win.
- Spotting the Four Horsemen of self-defeat
- 23. I am so angry at them; I can't stop thinking about what they've done.
- Lingering anger, resentment, and rage
- 24. I've had some disappointing relationships. How do I do it right next time?
- Looking for emotional maturity in a partner
- 25. How do I make sure I'm not an EI parent?
- Knowing yourself prepares you for emotionally mature parenting
- Part III. Stepping Back
- 26. I can't help feeling guilty when they're upset with me.
- Disengaging from the guilt of being yourself
- 27. I know they're acting crazy, but I don't know how to respond when they're being absurd.
- How to spot and detach from EIP's projections and distortions
- 28. I just want them to love me and understand my feelings.
- Pick achievable goals instead
- 29. Every time I set a boundary, I feel like a mean, heartless person.
- When you feel guilty for protecting yourself
- 30. They say I don't love them enough or in the right way. Am I capable of love?
- Step back and assess what love is
- 31. No matter what I do, they still seem hurt and betrayed.
- Why your efforts to make EIPs feel better don't work
- 32. I got free, but I miss our closeness.
- When you feel sad about undoing the entanglement
- Part IV. Saving Yourself
- 33. I traded authenticity for approval
- When being admired feels more important than being real
- 34. I want to be myself, but I fear rejection.
- Handling the anxiety of abandonment
- 35. Who am I really? How do I know for sure what's best for me?
- How to recognize your true self and restore your authenticity
- 36. I try so hard to do things perfectly that I exhaust myself.
- When your self esteem is based on doing the impossible
- 37. I wish I weren't such a people pleaser.
- When you trade being yourself for being liked
- 38. It kills me to ask someone for help.
- Why you apologize and feel like a bother
- Part V. Solving Problems
- 39. I'm always nervous about angering or disappointing my adult child.
- When your adult child seems emotionally immature
- 40. I still feel intimidated and apologetic around EIPs.
- Question the basic premises that all EIPs bring to their interactions
- 41. I'm so concerned about their reactions, it's hard to say my truth.
- Remain empowered when EIPs don't like what you have to say
- 42. How can I get through to them?
- Communication skills and their limits
- 43. I'm trying to be more assertive, but I keep going along with them.
- Discovering the protector parts of your personality
- 44. Even when I try my new strategies, I still end up feeling drained by them.
- Why you feel defeated even when you are successful with EIPs
- 45. I keep dwelling on how certain EIPs have wronged me.
- Anger, ambivalence, and putting obsessive thinking to rest
- 46. Do I have to forgive them?
- Finding options when forgiveness seems impossible
- 47. It's sad to think I'll never have a close relationship with them.
- Coming to grips with the grief of ambiguous loss
- 48. I've cut off contact with them, but I still think about them a lot.
- Why estrangement doesn't resolve everything
- 49. I'm noticing EI behaviors in myself.
- How to deal with your inner EI tendencies
- 50. They don't take center stage in my mind anymore.
- When the spell is broken and you're more interested in other things
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgments
- Appendices
- Appendix A. Personality Characteristics of Emotionally Immature Parents and People
- Appendix B. Comparison of Emotional Immaturity and Maturity
- Appendix C. The EIP Unspoken Relationship Contract
- Appendix D. Bill of Rights for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
- References
- Index
