When children come out A guide for Christian parents

Psychology professors Yarhouse and Zaporozhets (Costly Obedience) deliver a pragmatic guide for Christian parents of queer children. Drawing on surveys and interviews with Christian parents, the authors offer encouragement and perspective for parents navigating their faith and their relationship with their LGBTQ child. The authors report a study that found that though the parent-child relationship is often tense immediately after disclosure, many relationships improve over time. Yarhouse and Zaporozhets recommend that parents suspend judgment, writing that "it is important that doctrine not overshadow relationships." Cautioning that faith communities often fail to provide support for families wrestling with theology after a child comes out, the authors warn parents to "demonstrate prudence in whom they talk to about their child's sexuality." Yarhouse and Zaporozhets share how parents they interviewed reconciled their faith with their child's coming out, noting that one mother found peace after realizing that God wanted "a gay son to be part of my story." The emphasis on fostering parent-child relationships rather than rehashing theological debates is refreshing, and the authors succeed in taking seriously the inner conflict parents may face as they revise their faith while insisting on the need to affirm a child's sexual or gender identity. Parents will be grateful for the compassion on offer. (Dec.)

Yarhouse (psychology, Wheaton Coll.) and Zaporozhets (psychology, Regent Univ.), who both coauthored Costly Obedience: What We Can Learn from the Celibate Gay Christian Community, wanted to offer Christian parents whose child has come out as LGBTQIA+ a research-based guide that also shows church leadership and its congregants how to provide support. Based on a qualitative study of 200 Christian parents, the book's chapters all end with insight and advice from some of the survey's participants. The book is chronological, covering the moment of awareness, through voluntary disclosure or accidental discovery, and navigating emotions that may occur over time in both parent and child. A "Your Turn" section includes an opportunity to process the information and apply it to maintain and possibly improve loving relationships. VERDICT The question of how churches can be more supportive to LGBTQIA+ people is a valid one, but the small sample size raises questions about whether the book can draw accurate conclusions.