Dave Barry's book of bad songs

In 1992, Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Barry wrote a column about the tendency of bad song lyrics to stick in our heads. Reader response was enormous and led to a series of columns, a poll and this winning volume. Ultimately, Barry narrowed the field to pop songs written from 1960 to 1990, thus shutting out "Mairzy Doats" and Wagner. The largest number of votes went to "MacArthur Park," the 1968 hit written by Jimmy Webb, with its mangled metaphors, followed by "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (I Got Love in My Tummy)" by the Ohio Express and "(You're) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka. Also quoted are lines from Neil Diamond's "I Am, I Said": "I am, I said/ To no one there/ And no one heard at all/ Not even the chair." Barry then goes on to treat five sub-genres: weenie music, love songs women really hate, teen death songs and songs people get wrong, citing his own mis-hearing of the opening lines of "Help Me Rhonda" by the Beach Boys, as "Well, since she put me down/ There's been owls pukin' in my bed." Who can resist such a book? (June) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

``This book,'' Barry (Dave Barry in Cyberspace, 1996, etc.) explains, ``is Neil Diamond's fault.'' In a 1992 column he complained that radio stations consistently favored truly bad contemporary songs over good, citing their affection for such classics as Diamond's ``I Am, I Said.'' The resulting deluge of mail included both howls from outraged fans and many letters from exasperated readers citing even worse offenders against taste and common sense. Those responses spurred Barry to conduct an informal survey, which he offers, tongue firmly in cheek, in this brief, often very funny report. ``MacArthur Park'' was voted ``the worst song in modern history,'' but it had many competitors, including ``Yummy Yummy Yummy (I Got Love in My Tummy),'' ``Muskrat Love,'' and any song performed by someone named Bobby (including Bobby Vinton, Bobby Sherman, Bobbie Gentry, and Bobby Goldsboro). Barry is his usual puckish self, but the real surprise here is how funny many of the survey respondents are.