Review by Booklist Review
Raising a teen can feel like navigating a minefield. A fun family day at the beach can be followed by slammed doors and tears. The brain works differently in the years between childhood and adulthood, according to psychologist Apter. Instead of reacting to the teen's emotional outbursts, she asks parents to step into the teenage mind. Relying on years of studies and experience, Apter explains teens' struggles to control emotions, find a place among friends, and strive for independence. She gives parents solid suggestions on ways they can keep their composure and let their kids know that they are trying to understand their point of view. The author affirms that teens still need their parents' support and guidance and that parents need to remember that beneath the rough exterior lies the same child just trying to find their way. Apter addresses concerns including social media, risky behaviors, and teen sex as well as behaviors that require outside help, such as self-harming and eating disorders. Parents can't be perfect, but Apter offers welcome insights and strategies for living through these stressful years.
From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review
Psychologist Apter (Passing Judgment) brings some needed clarity to the oft-baffling teenage years in this eye-opening parenting guide. As she writes, teenagers "want to feel understood," and to that end she explores the rocky terrain of adolescence, debunking the myth of "teen as alien" and making a strong case for the importance of listening to and engaging with one's kid. Apter covers such topics as "the teenage brain" (which "barely registers small familiar pleasures. It requires novelty and excitement"), romance (which offers "both mystery and self-discovery"), and the end of teen years (21-year-olds are still adolescents, in terms of brain development), and offers concise advice: conversations with teens require a "watch-and-wait approach" and a willingness to back away when they're "too anxious to talk, or need time to organize thoughts in private." And there are plenty of concrete steps for parents to take--one can blunt negative aspects of social media by encouraging teens to follow positive accounts, and allowing children the ability to tell their stories can help them "put painful experiences into a broad context." Apter's reassuring tone and ability to cut through the chaos give her advice weight. This is a must-read for parents navigating their children's tumultuous teenage years. (Mar.)
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Review by Library Journal Review
Rapid neurological changes combine with changing needs and identities, so it's no surprise adults might need a roadmap to navigate communication with teenagers. Psychologist Apter (Passing Judgment: Praise and Blame in Everyday Life) provides a lens for examining teenage minds and the often intense and confusing emotions they experience. Apter blames her own profession--psychologists have long claimed that adolescence is a time of separation and rebellion--as the source of some societal misinterpretations of teen behavior and the relationship problems that occur as a result. This viewpoint has led to a model of adolescent rebellion and rejection rather than making adults empathetic to teenagers, which further chills their relationships, Apter writes. The book addresses autism, gender identity, sexual orientation, and the varying needs of adolescents due to racial and economic disparities. VERDICT A practical, informative guide to communicating with and understanding adolescents.
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Review by Kirkus Book Review
A refreshing and practical guide to raising teens. In her latest parenting book, psychologist Apter challenges society's negative view of teenagers by using brain science to offer clear, empathetic explanations of maddening adolescent behaviors ranging from "rudeness" to "rebellion." Many books define teens solely through negative behavior and emphasize parenting strategies related to "boundaries and control," offering "analysis that reduces teens to hormonally driven neurotics." This perspective erases the delight families can take in this time of intense intellectual growth. "Adolescents' forthright observations, their exquisite sensibilities, their joys and terrors in self-discovery are belittled, marginalized, ignored," writes Apter. While conventional wisdom blames teens' impulsive behavior on hormones, in reality, these changes are largely attributable to a burst in brain development comparable to that of early childhood. The author's advice is based on the fact that, like small children, teens are undergoing such intense development that they need supportive adults in their life more than ever before. Apter celebrates the caregiver-child relationship, encouraging active listening and showing teens how to identify complex emotions. The author argues that we must also rethink our conception of how long children need parenting; new research suggests that behaviors usually associated with teens actually last until the age of 24. Even at 18, she writes, "the neural networks for impulse and emotion control are not yet at full adult strength." Therefore, the author believes we should extend parenting well into the 20s. Apter's approach is original, thoroughly researched, and eminently constructive. Her strategies for using empathy and active listening to manage teen behavior are compassionate, clear, and proactive. The book's main limitation is the lack of intersectional analysis. While the author does mention nonbinary and transitioning individuals, there is not enough concrete consideration of alternative gender identities or race. A wonderfully atypical teen parenting book that leans into joy. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
