Chapter One: The Wild and the Mild Chapter One THE WILD AND THE MILD Osmo Unknown had always lived in Littlebridge, and nothing interesting had ever happened to him there. He was born, neither rich nor poor, in a little white four-room cottage on the north side of the Catch-a-Crown River, almost at the furthest edge of town. He thought he would most likely die an old man with a white beard, neither rich nor poor, in a little white four-room cottage on the north side of the Catch-a-Crown River. He was quite, quite wrong about that. Osmo Unknown was not precisely the sort of person you think of when someone says the word hero . He wasn't impressively big or strong. He didn't have a famous sword or a glorious destiny foretold through the ages. He had thick curly black hair and friendly hazel eyes, the color of old pages and old leaves. He was a bit short and thin for his age, with long clever fingers. The boys in school thought him strange and the girls didn't think about him at all. On the other hand, Littlebridge was precisely the kind of place you think of when someone says the word village . The bell tower in the center of town. The painted houses with straw-and-clover roofs and crisscrossed windows. The schoolhouse and the green-and-brown river full of trout and eels and the tavern with golden, welcoming light in the windows even at eight in the morning. The bits of roof gargoyle and marble rose leaves from an age when folk took a bit more care with architecture. All nestled in a pretty valley with good, steady rain and strong, reliable sun, sandwiched between the steep blue mountains on one side and a deep, thorny forest on the other. And of course, there was no shortage of mysterious legends no one believed in anymore and stern rules everyone broke when they were young and insisted on when they got old. What sorts of rules? Oh, just the usual kind. Nothing out of the ordinary. Don't go out alone after sundown and never eat anything that talks and stay out of the woods no matter what, this means you . In fact, there was only one single, solitary strange and unusual thing in the whole town. Only one thing you wouldn't find in any other town of the same size and age and climate. Where the crossroads met in the center of town rose a great red granite pillar. On the very tip-top of the pillar, a silver skull had looked down on everyone for a number of centuries now. The skull was huge. The skull was not human. The skull was almost like an elephant's head, and a little like a great stag's, and something unsettlingly like a tyrannosaurus's. But it was not an elephant, either. It was not a deer. And it was most certainly not a Tyrannosaurus rex . No one paid it any more attention than they gave to the bell tower or the shoe shop. Except Osmo Unknown. Osmo paid attention to everything . He knew every street and side road of his home. Every wishing well, every stony building and sturdy roof. Good old Dapplegrim Square with Soothfaste Church on one side and the Cruste and Cheddar Tavern on the other. The Afyngred Agricultural Hall and Bonefire Park. The Katja Kvass Memorial Fountain bubbling away pleasantly on the long grass, clear water weeping from a pretty young woman's pale stone eyes and spilling from the wound in her marble heart into a great wide pool. The crumbling Brownbread Mill still grinding wheat into wealth just south of the main part of town. St. Whylom's School in its industrial shadow, looking out over the river. The little Kalevala Opera House that hadn't put on a single opera in Osmo's thirteen years of life. All the fine shops with real glass windows lining Yclept Closeway. The big wide half-burnt steps of Bodeworde's Armory, which had gone up in a blaze a hundred and fifty years before. They'd kept the stairs as a reminder never to get careless with gunpowder again. Osmo knew them all. The boy with the hazel eyes had never gotten lost, not once, not in his whole life. He couldn't get lost in Littlebridge any more than you can get lost in your own body. Osmo hated it. He hated knowing every street and side road. He hated knowing that the sugar maples in front of Mittu Grumm's Toy and Shoe Shoppe would always go bright scarlet by the third of October. He hated the ravens that stayed and the sparrows that had somewhere better to be--somewhere he could never go. He hated his dumb ancestor who couldn't even be bothered to come up with a good fake name for the family. On days when he felt particularly angry at the shape of everything, he even hated the Whaleskin Mountains for keeping him penned in with their useless, dopey sheer glittering jagged cliffs. But most of all, deep down in his bones, he hated that he'd never been lost, not one minute in his life, that he never would be lost, not in Littlebridge, not in his little white four-room cottage, not anywhere. Of course there were stories of a much more interesting Littlebridge, long ago when magic and monsters and princesses and curses were as common as tea in the afternoon. But they seemed to have run right out of that sort of thing. Except the silver skull. Except that one single, solitary, fantastic, wonderful strange and unusual thing. Every time he passed it on his way from one dull, familiar place to the next, Osmo swore he could feel its huge, empty eye sockets watching him. Its long, curved fangs reaching out for him. It made the hairs on the back of his neck rise up and his stomach flip over. But that was little enough strangeness for a heart to live on. Everything in Osmo's world was already mapped out to the very edges of the page. The village ran like a perfect brass watch. All he wanted was to wake up one day and find the hands snapped off and the bell ringing out twenty-five o'clock. The very worst of it all was this: Osmo Unknown absolutely, thoroughly loathed the entire idea of becoming a hunter when he grew up. Everyone assumed he'd do just that, as surely as the moon changed in the sky. Osmo would follow his mother, Tilly, into the family business, make a good marriage, and keep the little house of Unknown industry chugging along neatly. But he wanted nothing to do with it. Osmo didn't want to kill anything. He didn't want to be good at using his mother's big beautiful gun. He didn't want to know how to cut up pelts and gut a deer and portion out the meat so that it could be made into pies and kebabs and stews and roasts. He didn't want his job to be hurting things. But he couldn't tell anyone how he felt, and Osmo hated that, too. Hunting was a noble profession. Any family would be proud to have a hunter at the holiday table. He knew everyone had to eat to live, and killing a single deer could mean safety and health for a whole winter. But he just didn't see why it had to be him . The only good thing about hunters was that they were allowed to go into the Fourpenny Woods whenever they wanted. Everyone else was forbidden to cross the tree line. When he was little, Osmo's mother let him wait for her every day, just inside the first clusters of maples and junipers. He used to stare into the shadows, and his soul filled up with the rich, new smell of sap. But it was off-limits. To everyone. Forever. And it was all because of them . Everyone knew what would happen if you went too deep into the woods. Something lived in the deep trees. Something no one had seen in living memory, but everyone dreamed of on their worst nights, tossing and turning in their beds as though it were possible to escape. Something with terrible teeth that lived in the dark. Something called the Quidnunx. The Quidnunx stayed in the woods. Humans stayed in the village. Meddling with that was beyond foolish. It was pure, screaming madness. No, each to their own was best for all, agreed the old folk from the mansions to the marshes. Monsters and men do not mix. The woods were very wild and the town was very mild. The wild and the mild of this world do not get along so well, and nobody ever born in Littlebridge was the sort of person to go testing the rules. Except one boy with very bright, very wide hazel eyes and long shaggy dark hair and no friends to speak of. Every inch of the Forest the law let Osmo explore was as precious as a whole emerald to his heart. He loved the woods like he loved his mother. And he feared the great tangle of trees, as he feared his father. But he didn't love the Forest for the usual reasons. He didn't love it because it was forbidden. Well, not just because it was forbidden. He didn't love it because it was dangerous, and therefore exciting. He loved it because it was secret and quiet and lonely, like him. He loved it because it was never the same twice. You couldn't know a forest like you could know a village. As soon as you thought you did, it would change on you. The trees that went orange before the harvest last year hung on to their green almost till Christmas this year, and the sound you heard might be a hedgehog or a squirrel, but it might just as easily be something... else. Osmo Unknown lived and breathed and thirsted for the Else . But until he turned thirteen, all he ever found in the shadows were hedgehogs and squirrels and the occasional bright red October leaf, swirling down from a grey, cold sky. Excerpted from Osmo Unknown and the Eightpenny Woods by Catherynne M. Valente All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
