The unlikely art of parental pressure A positive approach to pushing your child to be their best self

Psychologists Thurber and Weisinger (Performing Under Pressure) offer an empowering guide to helping children succeed. Parents' natural instinct to want the best for their children can often lead to pushing too hard, they write, and it's easy to slip into applying "unhealthy pressure." To counter that, the authors suggest parents avoid defining success in "narrow, do-or-die terms" and break down the difference between "pressure parents" (who create an "urgent, competitive world") and "support parents" (who foster collaboration, hard work, and self-reliance). To encourage "excellent performance and great mental health," they write, children should be pushed to do their best rather than to win at all costs, and parents should prioritize empathy over problem-solving. The authors pair their tips with helpful imagined dialogues and case studies on how parents should and should not respond to children who are hurt, confused, or disappointed. Their advice is timely and well-considered: "The push to perform is backfiring," they write, and "that is the central paradox of parental pressure." Parents who push hard will find this gives them clear steps to more positively relate to their children. (July)