Heartwood The art of living with the end in mind

Heartwood is the dead center of a tree that allows for new growth, and a metaphor for death in the midst of life that threads through these essays from Becker, an interfaith minister. Although she had previously held jobs doing good work, 9/11 propelled her to work as a hospice volunteer. Many essays discuss the patients she encounters, but she also discloses her personal life: struggles with infertility and miscarriage, the death of close friends, family members suffering from Alzheimer's, being befriended by a recently widowed dad and his five kids on vacation, and the literal family skeleton and what to do with it. Barack Obama's mother also appears in these pages. Some essays seem forced at the end, as if she needed to tie things up quickly, but all delve into what it means to live in the shadow of death and "how to better live our lives," to revere life for the gift that it is. This insightful, quietly moving book is not just for the grieving or those who comfort them.

Minister Becker debuts with a stirring chronicle of the events, moments, and stories that led to her reconciliation with mortality. The death of Becker's friend from cancer at age 40 (a "struggle that made me profoundly unsettled") inspired her to look back on how she has dealt with her own misfortunes of miscarriages, sickness, and accidents. Particularly affecting are the chapters that focus on the bittersweet surprises of hospice care, such as Becker getting closer to her mother and finally understanding her mother's zest for life while witnessing her dying days. Becker also reflects on how to respect the long-dead, such as the creation of a Zen "water children" ceremony in the park "to honor the losses of children, born and unborn, in the community." The final chapter reckons with one's own mortality, specifically Becker's multiple cancer scares, how these brought on feelings of peace, and the admittance that those peaceful feelings were fleeting. Becker's eloquence is a salve for confronting a difficult topic: "There was a tremendous sense of freedom in catching even a tiny glimpse of this web of interconnection, as if nothing existed outside its beautiful cosmic structure." This will be a comfort for anyone contemplating their own mortality, or those in search of advice for others. (May)

A Manhattan-based interfaith minister grapples with the complexities of mortality. When Becker's childhood friend Marisa died from cancer at age 40, the author was understandably crushed. However, the event also opened a long-suppressed wellspring of insecurities about death, and Becker's grieving process became life-altering. She began approaching life more proactively, spiritually, and ecologically. She planted bulbs in a makeshift plot in the city, attended a silent meditation retreat, practiced the Japanese "forest bathing" and "water children" rituals, and made a general promise to herself to "participate more fully in everyday matters." The author shows how this intensive self-reflection benefited her on many levels, and she hopes to inspire others to participate in their own introspection when encountering life's myriad challenges. Among other episodes and life events that led her to a more intentional soul-searching journey: a dangerous internship in politically unstable Bangladesh, a miscarriage, her father's struggles with Alzheimer's disease, and family losses from Covid-19. In too many instances, she writes, "death had slipped quietly into my home and declared herself my teacher." But what, she asks, "was I supposed to do with these understandings in the practical, brass-tacks way of a modern woman going about her daily business?" While the book as a whole is inspiring, the most moving passages involve Becker's time as a hospice volunteer. Though consistently heartbreaking and often frustrating, the author's experiences were also transformative. She incorporated compassionate Zen Buddhist end-of-life practices into her own humanitarian service vows, and a host of nurturing interpersonal experiences broadened her understanding of how her life could be made more useful in both spiritual and altruistic empathetic service to those in need. Once firmly entrenched in our "death-shy" contemporary culture, the author is now a reassuring advocate for peace and interreligious understanding, and she views dying as an opportunity to seek enlightenment and give thanks, regardless of one's preferred spiritual path. A graceful meditation on divine deliverance. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.