Come as you are The surprising new science that will transform your sex life
Book - 2021
"A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski's game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life"--
Saved in:
- Subjects
- Genres
- Self-help publications
- Published
-
New York :
Simon & Schuster Paperbacks
2021.
- Language
- English
- Main Author
- Edition
- Simon & Schuster trade paperback edition, revised and updated
- Physical Description
- x, 382 pages ; 23 cm
- Bibliography
- Includes bibliographical references and index.
- ISBN
- 9781982165314
- Introduction: Yes, You Are Normal
- The True Story of Sex
- The Organization of This Book
- A Couple of Caveats
- If You Feel Broken, or Know Someone Who Does
- Part 1. The (not-so-basic) basics
- 1. Anatomy: No Two Alike
- The Beginning
- The Clit, the Whole Clit, and Nothing but the Clit
- Meet Your Clitoris
- Lips, Both Great and Small
- Hymen Truths
- A Word on Words
- The Sticky Bits
- Intersex Parts
- Why It Matters
- Change How You See
- A Better Metaphor
- What It Is, Not What It Means
- 2. The Dual Control Model: Your Sexual Personality
- Turn On the Ons, Turn Off the Offs
- Your Sexual Temperament
- What "Medium" Means
- Different for Girls ... Sometimes
- What Turns You On?
- Can You Change Your Brain?
- 3. Context: And the "One Ring" (to Rule Them All) in Your Emotional Brain
- Sensation in Context
- Sex, Rats, and Rock 'n' Roll
- Liking, Wanting, and Learning
- You Can't Make Them
- "Is Something Wrong with Me?" (Answer: Nope)
- Part 2. Sex in context
- 4. Emotional Context: Sex in a Monkey Brain
- The Stress Response Cycle: Fight, Flight, and Freeze
- Stress and Sex
- Broken Culture → Broken Stress Response Cycles
- Complete the Cycle!
- When Sex Becomes the Lion
- Sex and the Survivor
- Origin of Love
- The Science of Falling in Love
- Attachment and Sex: The Dark Side
- Attachment and Sex: Sex That Advances the Plot
- Attachment Style
- Managing Attachment: Your Feels as a Sleepy Hedgehog
- Survival of the Social
- The Water of Life
- 5. Cultural Context: A Sex-Positive Life in a Sex-Negative World
- Three Messages
- You Are Beautiful
- Criticizing Yourself = Stress = Reduced Sexual Pleasure
- Health at Every Size
- "Dirty"
- When Somebody "Yucks" Your "Yum"
- Maximizing Yum ... with Science! Part 1 : Self-Compassion
- Maximizing Yum ... with Science! Part 2: Cognitive Dissonance
- Maximizing Yum ... with Science! Part 3: Media Nutrition
- You Do You
- Part 3. Sex in action
- 6. Arousal: Lubrication Is Not Causation
- Measuring and Defining Nonconcordance
- All the Same Parts, Organized in Different Ways: "This Is a Restaurant"
- Nonconcordance in Other Emotions
- Lubrication Error #1 : Genital Response = Desire
- Lubrication Error #2: Genital Response = Pleasure
- Lubrication Error #3: Nonconcordance Is a Problem
- "Honey ... I'm Nonconcordant!"
- 7. Desire: Spontaneous, Responsive, and Magnificent
- Desire = Pleasure in Context
- Good News! It's Probably Not Your Hormones
- More Good News! It's Not Monogamy, Either
- "Why Can't I just Take a Pill?"
- It Might Be the Chasing Dynamic
- "Sex Worth Wanting"
- Sharing Your Garden
- Part 4. Ecstasy for everybody
- 8. Orgasm: Pleasure Is the Measure
- Nonconcordance-Now with Orgasms!
- No Two Alike
- All the Same Parts ...
- Your Vagina's Okay, Either Way
- Difficulty with Orgasm
- Impatient Little Monitors
- Ecstatic Orgasm: You're a Flock!
- How Do You Medicate a Flock?
- Flying Toward Ecstasy
- 9. Love What's True: The Ultimate Sex-Positive Context
- Why Confidence Is Not Enough
- Step 1 : Your Feelings Are Always True
- The Map and the Terrain: A Tool for Reality Checking
- Step 2: The Hard Part (Or, How to "Nonjudging")
- Nonjudging 1: "No Good Reason"
- Nonjudging 2: Healing Trauma
- Nonjudging 3: Pain
- Nonjudging 4: Pleasure
- Nonjudging 5: Mourning the "Shoulds"
- "To Feel Normal"
- Conclusion You Are the Secret Ingredient
- Why I Wrote This Book
- Where to Look for More Answers
- Acknowledgments
- Appendix 1. Therapeutic Masturbation
- Appendix 2. Extended Orgasm
- Notes
- References
- Index