You're not listening What you're missing and why it matters

Review by Booklist Review

What do NPR's Terry Gross, LBJ, and con men have in common? They are all or were exceptionally talented at listening. In this celebratory compendium of the underappreciated art of truly hearing another's perspective, New York Times contributor Murphy outlines the characteristics of good listeners, presents research into the benefits and significant outcomes of listening, and makes a strong case for adjusting how we approach conversations in our professional and personal lives. With insights from skilled listeners, including a hostage negotiator, focus-group moderator, air-traffic controller, hairstylist, priest, and many others, along with her own experiences interviewing sources for articles, Murphy explores how we can better understand those around us. Too often, she says, we merely wait for our turn to talk in a conversation. With concrete advice and a wealth of guidelines, readers will come away with tips for a better approach, one that can be exceptionally useful, whether in the boardroom or at home. In an era dominated by incessant broadcasting and attention-seeking behavior on social media, listening offers both a salve and a solution.--Bridget Thoreson Copyright 2019 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.

---

Review by Library Journal Review

Murphy offers real-life examples with informative, entertaining, and practical accounts of successful and unsuccessful listening behaviors while educating about exactly what listening means, why genuine listening is important, and ways people can successfully become excellent listeners who stand out from the crowd. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Read by the author, Murphy's smooth and passionate reading is a joy to hear. While there is no thought repetition between disks, it is unnecessary as the information flows smoothly between disk changes and listening breaks. Murphy's apparent passion for her subject enthralls. VERDICT This title is well suited to a wide variety of audiences from communications majors and faculty to career salespeople, business owners, managers, politicians, educators, and parents--basically, anyone dependent upon communicating with other people.--Laurie Selwyn, formerly with Grayson Cty. Law Lib., Sherman, TX

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

---

Review by Kirkus Book Review

A lively debut that asserts the power of closing our mouths and opening our ears.Houston-based journalist Murphy delves into the academic research on listening, which tends to be scantier than that on its noisier cousin, talking, and chronicles her interviews with those whose work revolves around hearing and paying attention, including a priest, a bartender, and a CIA agent. The author suggests that what might seem at first to be a passive activity is in fact an active, demanding one and a skill that can be learned with practice. At the basis of listening, Murphy maintains, is a sharp curiosity and the kind of openness that indicates the hearer has something to learn from the speaker. The author recommends thinking of active listening as a form of meditation. During a conversation, "you make yourself aware of and acknowledge distractions, then return to focus. But instead of focusing on your breathing or an image, you return your attention to the speaker." She points out that one of the primary obstacles to listening is the assumption that we know what someone is going to say, which means, unfortunately, that we're least likely to pay attention to the people closest to us, including spouses, children, and friends. In a chapter that is particularly helpful and relevant in our increasingly polarized world, Murphy offers suggestions on "Listening to Opposing Views," including recognizing the rather remarkable fact that when people with "staunch political views" are challenged on them, "their brains reacted as if they were being chased by a bear." On a practical level, the author also recognizes that it's not necessary to "listen to everyone until they run out of breath." While the narrative runs out of steam toward the end, repeating points that have already been made, it offers enough valuable advice and concrete suggestions to make it worth reading, even for those who already think they know how to listen.A valuable corrective for a talkative culture. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

---