Review by Booklist Review
*Starred Review* Becoming a mother fundamentally changes a woman's life: her relationships, her concept of time, and her sense of herself. Psychologist and professor Millwood explores what happens after a woman gives birth. Women in early stages of motherhood often struggle yet lack outlets to process their feelings. And although there are books on what to expect during pregnancy, there are few resources that address the major shifts that happen for moms once a family welcomes a new baby. To fill this dearth, Millwood draws from research, her clinical practice, and her own life as a mother of two. Focusing on heterosexual relationships, Millwood explores attachment, marital strife, gender roles, and other essential topics for women and men alike. Though the chapter on birth stories perhaps overly dwells on natural birth, many parents are likely to find themselves reflected in Millwood's writing. To Have and to Hold will be valuable for new parents and their families alike and will provide reassuring validation for common yet rarely discussed challenges. Beyond that, Millwood's exploration of gender dynamics in relationships and her willingness to look at taboo emotions make this relatable for nonparents as well.--Laura Chanoux Copyright 2019 Booklist
From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review
Millwood brings her experience as a clinical psychologist and mother to a compassionate book that affirms that emotional difficulties for new mothers are not anomalous but universal and can extend well past the immediate postpartum period, with profound effects on their relationships with their spouses. Millwood draws deeply on attachment theory, not only with regards to parents and children but to couples (the book focuses exclusively on heterosexual relationships, as the author notes at the start), considering how women who fail to find a sense of security and safety from their partners can feel undermined, similar to the way children struggle when they don't firmly attach to their parents. Despite Millwood's supportive tone, she still puts most of the onus on women, suggesting that they improve their social networks, let dads take on childcare chores even when they are bad at them, and remain open to criticism from their husbands. Despite this potential hurdle for some readers, Millwood performs a helpful task in giving mothers permission to acknowledge motherhood's darker side, and in offering them help with their marriages as well as their parenting. (Apr.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Kirkus Book Review
An intriguing perspective on the permanent physical and emotional changes a woman experiences after giving birth.There are countless books on the physical and emotional fluctuations women experience as they go through pregnancy, but far fewer delve into how those same transformations affect a woman long after the birth of her child. Millwood (Psychology/Saint Michael's Coll.), a clinical psychologist who focuses on marital therapy and intimate relationships, expertly combines research and her personal story into a book that she wished she could have read during her struggles as a new mother. The author discusses how postpartum depression can affect a woman years after giving birth, how the stress caused by lack of sleep is prevalent yet not often discussed, and how the body keeps the memories of trauma embedded in its cells, which can resurface unexpectedly and at odd moments. Throughout, Millwood shares her own journey as a mother, from the elation of being pregnant to the reality that sometimes things got boring while nursing or running after her toddler, with no adult interaction for hours at a time. She explores the shame and guilt women feel for not being as happy as they anticipated with their new child, often exacerbated by the loss of personal freedom and spontaneity. Millwood also relates how having a child can affect women's marriages and/or long-term relationships. Women are often upset at the apparent lack of sacrifices made by their significant others when comparing their before-child life to their post-child lifenot to mention the burden placed on mothers to know everything about caring for a child, with the spouse in the role of helper instead of equal partner in all duties and responsibilities. Mothers who are struggling to accept their new role have a definite advocate in Millwood.Informative, entertaining, and enlightening research and personal reflections on the multifaceted ways children change a person forever. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
