The infinite blacktop A novel

Sara Gran

Book - 2018

Claire DeWitt, the hard-living and tough-talking private investigator, has always been something of a detective. As a young girl growing up in Brooklyn, Claire and her two best friends, Tracy and Kelly, fell under the spell of the book Detection by legendary French detective Jacques Silette. The three solved many cases together and were inseparable--until the day Tracy vanished without a trace. That is still the only case Claire ever failed to solve. Later, in her twenties, Claire is in Los Angeles trying to get her PI license by taking on a cold case that has stumped the LAPD. She hunts for the real story behind the death of a washed-up painter ten years earlier, whose successful and widely admired artist girlfriend had died a few months b...efore him. Today, Claire is on her way to Las Vegas from San Francisco when she's almost killed by a homicidal driver. In a haze of drugs and injuries, she struggles off the scene, determined to find her would-be killer's identity--but the list of people who would be happy to see her dead is not a short one. As these three narratives converge, some mysteries are solved and others continue to haunt. But Claire, battered and bruised, continues her search for the answer to the biggest mystery of all: what is the purpose of our lives, and how can anyone survive in a world so clearly designed to break our hearts again and again?

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Subjects
Genres
Detective and mystery fiction
Mystery fiction
Published
New York : Atria Books 2018.
Language
English
Main Author
Sara Gran (author)
Edition
First Atria Books hardcover edition
Physical Description
290 pages ; 24 cm
ISBN
9781501165719
Contents unavailable.
Review by New York Times Review

IT'S been 30 years since the publication of Thomas Harris's "The Silence of the Lambs," the suspense novel that pitted the F.B.I. trainee Clarice Starling against the serial killer Hannibal Lecter, showcased them as they bored into each other's psyches and did more to change the genre than any novel until Gillian Flynn's "Gone Girl" a generation later. To revisit "The Silence of the Lambs" today is to encounter a story that shows its age - not just because of the of-its-era language in which transgender issues are discussed, but because it is something that too few thrillers dare to be in 2018: strictly linear. Harris's book gets its title from Lecter's remorseless probing of a terrifying, and personality-shaping, experience from Starling's childhood - the night she awoke to hear the cries of spring lambs being slaughtered and realized she was powerless to help them. Lecter forces this disclosure as part of a deal: He'll offer clues about a current killer if Clarice provides information about the childhood vulnerabilities that still drive her as an adult. It's unnerving, it's effective and, most transgressively, it's chronological. Harris tells his story with nary a flashback, just unremitting forward momentum right up to the final chapter's climactic taunt - "Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?" In its way, "The Silence of the Lambs" is a novel about early trauma - the thing that Lecter, the evil genius, is acute enough to perceive through all of Starling's careful presentational concealment. But it casts only brief, fierce sidelong glances at the past. If it were written today, Clarice's early years would almost certainly get about 100 more pages of play, in chapters that alternate with the present-day case and slow-walk readers through her youth until reaching the incident that is meant to explain everything about who she is now. Ours is an era in which we are all becoming fluent in the language of trauma, post-traumatic stress, recovery and survival, but what is good for humanity may be bad for thrillers. Agreat suspense novel should be, on some level, destabilizing; at least once, even as the narrative propels you onward, you should want to go back to reread a passage that's been completely recontextualized by something you just learned. But today, trauma as a universal motivator has worked its way so deeply into the architecture of many novels that it threatens to become mundane. No matter how many skeletons are unearthed, if the sole purpose of revealing them is to vanquish the darkness with explanatory lucidity, the result is distinctly unthrilling, as if the entirety of Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" were now narrated by the loquacious shrink who pops up at the end of the movie. Split timelines - the bad past that explains the bad present - are a genre staple, and the emergence of something awful and long-suppressed is such a consistent motif that it has turned many novels into waiting games: "What exactly happened back then? Tell!" Readers speed ahead not because they're gripped but because they're impatient with so much calculated withholding. If these books become efficient conveyor belts that trundle along with the promise of a tidy little gift bag of answers and rationales right out of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, you may well feel relieved, but you are unlikely to feel disturbed. For a thriller, disturbed is better. ONE of the most exciting things about Sara Gran's the infinite blacktop (Atria, $26) is the way it uses all of these often restrictive neo-conventions to its advantage in order to create a completely original hybrid of mystery, thriller, contemporary noir, dark comedy and postmodern meditation about what it means to be a detective. This is the third in a series of novels to feature Claire DeWitt, the self-professed "best detective in the world," although she is actually closer to Sue Grafton's Kinsey Millhone if Kinsey had thrown everything away and taken a serious turn toward the dark side. The newest story opens in 2011, as Claire is on the wrong end of a car crash that may be a deliberate attempt to kill her. As Gran hurtles ahead in that narrative, we also leap back to an account of the disappearance of Claire's childhood friend in 1986 Brooklyn and to a third story, of the 1999 case that made her into a professional detective. Gran makes this fragmentation, in which no single story line ever becomes central, feel organic to her main character, who also seems constructed out of jagged shards, and is as dangerous as you'd imagine someone fitting that description might be. She steals cars, pulls knives on people who get in her way and cold-cocks others when they double-cross her, scrawling "CLAIRE DEWITT ALWAYS WINS" on their walls as a flourish. She views life experience as an "infinite blacktop of things you'd regret not knowing later" and her future as "a long series of empty moments that took me down a ... highway to nowhere in particular." We don't know why she's like this; she doesn't either. In fact, nobody in this cold, hard-core, genre-blurring novel can be understood except in analogical terms; even a murderer finds himself bewildered to be "someone who DID things. Someone like the people in detective novels." In "The Infinite Blacktop," all that brings characters together is that they dissociate on the same frequency. For good measure, Gran throws in excerpts from a detection manual that has special meaning for Claire, and a long chunk of a teen-sleuth saga as well. The last quarter of her book takes a plunge into metafiction that is likely to be polarizing. (Note scribbled in the margin: "What IS this?") But it helps that Gran has an engagingly sardonic voice and a sure grip of storytelling basics, even those she is manifestly interested in ignoring or transcending; in particular, the 1999 sections work as a satisfying whodunit/whydunit of which Ross Macdonald probably would have approved. "The Infinite Blacktop" is droll, savage and healthily unsettling, even at moments when it verges on becoming an essay about its own construction. THE ENGLISH novelist Camilla Way may not be the innovative stylist Gran is, but in THE LIES WE TOLD (Berkley, paper, $16), she makes up for it with no-nonsense efficiency. "At first I mistook the severed head for something else. It wasn't until I was very close that I realized it was Lucy's," she begins in 1986. Just a couple of pages later, she leaps to present-day London, where we're immersed in the lives of Clara Haynes and Luke Lawson, a young couple who both work in magazines. Luke has a secret life on the internet (there may be a contemporary thriller in which the role Facebook is assigned is non-malevolent, but it has not yet presented itself). He also has a stalker. He soon goes missing, but let's not linger on that too long, because there's poor decapitated Lucy to consider. The other half of this novel, which alternates timelines throughout, unfolds the plight of Doug and Beth Jennings, who have a bird-murdering, fire-starting 5-year-old bad seed of a daughter. The kiddie sociopath with the thousand-yard glower may be somewhat too easy a go-to in thrillers, but anyone who grew up on mass-market paperbacks for which the cover art was some forbidding version of a blood-spattered, blankly staring broken doll will feel an almost nostalgic connection to this novel. The intrigue of "The Lies We Told" is, at least initially, how and when these two plotlines - the demon seed from 30 years back and the possibly kidnapped boyfriend from right now - are going to knit together. If the answer seems slightly inevitable just from that description, at least Way throws in three or four other questions that become suspenseful in their own right, all of which come under the general heading of "How well do you really know your boyfriend/daughter/ son/ mother/neighbor?" The writing isn't dazzling, but the construction and pacing are solid, staying just far enough ahead of the reader to be fun, and offering, in the last quarter, a buffet table of twists - if you don't like one, just stick around for 10 pages - and an open door to a sequel. More than one of the women in this novel is a monster, more than one of the men is an easily manipulated dolt or lech, and its view of mental illness is antediluvian. But nobody ever said thrillers have to play nice as long as they play fair. BITTER ORANGE (Tin House, $25.95), by Claire Fuller, plays both nice and fair. This is not a particularly brutal or cruel novel, as thrillers go. Again the timeline is split: In 1989, Frances Jellico, a woman in late middle age, lies dying in an institution of some kind, while remembering a summer she spent 20 years earlier with a young couple that represented everything she had always been denied - friendship, pleasure, sexuality, intimacy Frances, a lonely, awkward social misfit recently freed from the constraints of caring for her sick mother but still burdened with plenty of baggage, is a type familiar to readers of the great Ruth Rendeli - a woman whose personal issues will end up making her either a victim or an agent of chaos. And Peter and Cara, who share a languorous, hothouse summer with her in an old English country mansion to which they've brought their own secrets, are the spark. Fuller, a skilled stylist, is very good at letting you get to know Frances by degrees and at describing a setting in which the ordinary rules of life feel suspended. She conveys the exoticism of a temporary new home and the eroticism of a temporary new attachment. You can taste the wine, smell the musty fabrics and the overripe fruit, hear the hum of lazy insects and track the teasing suggestion that something will eventually go terribly wrong. She keeps the suspense at such a low simmer - as if Anita Brookner had decided to try her hand at a potboiler - that you might be forgiven for wondering if, at times, the flame has gone out altogether. What tension there is rests on whether the rupture - the thing that will make that summer describable as "fateful" - will arrive because Frances is unequipped to deal with this couple, or because they're sinister and somehow using her as a pawn. But the very fact that Frances is narrating the story in a second, decades-later timeline lowers the stakes by removing one possibility: Whatever happens, you know that she lives to tell the tale. Too much of "Bitter Orange" consists of two interesting, dramatic people doling out selective information to their undramatic listener; even as the noose tightens (and it does), you sense you could still slip out of it. It's a tribute to Fuller's abilities that even when her plot feels slight, the atmosphere she conjures creates its own choking sense of dread. SARAH PINBOROUGH has set the swift and entertaining CROSS HER HEART (Morrow/ HarperCoiiins, $26.99) entirely in present-day England, opting (at least initially) for one timestream but multiple narrators. Her story is told variously by Lisa, a 40-ish recruitment executive with a busy job and the loss of a young son in her past; her teenage daughter, Ava, who compulsively checks Facebook, connects with her friends in a WhatsApp group called MyBitches, is being text-seduced by a creepy older man, and is, in general, a first-act-of-"SVU" victim in print form; and Marilyn, Lisa's closest friend. Pinborough writes these women with a good ear, a lack of sentimentality and a sharp sense of how difficult intergenerational communication can be. She also holds the cards she's planning to play very tightly Sixty pages in, "Cross Her Heart" still feels less like a thriller than like one of those books with a drearily earnest set of reader's guide questions at the end: "What did you think of Lisa's choices? Do you think Lisa and Ava have more in common than they realize?" But stick with it, because when Pinborough unveils her first surprise about a third of the way in, it's a good one, so good that even the legally mandated device that kicks in with it - chapters headed "Now," "After" and (for a big 1989 section) "Before" - doesn't slow her novel's momentum. None of the plot points here are entirely new - they involve the requisite terrible teenage incident, multiple identities, the internet, the possibility of false memory, at least one total psycho, a decades-long game of revenge and a climax (one of many) about which one character, not inappropriately, remarks, "You sound like you're in one of those terrible straight-to-DVD thrillers!" But what feels fresh is the dispatch with which Pinborough throws every one of them into a single novel. The mechanics aren't deftly concealed here, but the machine itself works, motoring toward about five different endings. "Cross Her Heart" also has a welcome sisterhood-ispowerful vibe; it's a novel that defines women by their relationships with one another, even as their creator is ruthlessly shoving them into position for the next twist. RELATIONSHIPS AMONG WOMEN - even women who have never met - are also at the core of Sarah Meuleman's find me gone (Harper/HarperCollins, paper, $15.99), which IS set in 2014 New York and in northwest Belgium in 1996, where, sigh, The Bad Thing That Will Be Dosed Out One Teaspoon at a Time occurred. There is a lot that needs to be forgiven in the early stages of this novel. Our protagonist is Hannah, a fashion-mag journalist whose full-time position filing a mere 200 words of party coverage per issue (!) affords her a nice apartment in the West Village (!!), but who forsakes both job and rental for the wild yet integritypacked frontier of Bushwick, where she plans to write a book. We intuit that something horrible has happened to her, partly because Hannah's friend helpfully says: "We all know about the horrible thing that happened." (This is a novel in which, be warned, things like that are said with regularity.) Signs suggest that whatever it was happened 18 years earlier, when Hannah was a child in Bachte-Maria-Leerne. When "Find Me Gone" pries itself away from its unconvincing glimpse of Downtown Manhattan's publishing-and-parties demimonde, it becomes a stranger and darker novel than its beginning suggests. The Belgium sections, about a dreadful kidnapping and the shaky romantic friendship between two girls on the cusp of puberty, are believable, and then Agatha Christie and Virginia Woolf show up as characters in chapters of their own. They're part of the book Hannah is writing, about writers who "fought their battles, swam against the current and then disappeared one day. Just like the 12-year-old girl who vanished from a Belgian village," a connection it would have been better to allow readers to make. Showing one's hand like that doesn't help a thriller, nor does leaning on "Where is this all going?" for as long as "Find Me Gone" does. Hannah's journey is persuasively grim and not without surprises; ultimately, it becomes a meditation on the possibility that a woman can create her identity by controlling the terms of her own disappearance. But I couldn't help wondering if that magazine job was still available. MARK HARRIS'S most recent book is "Five Came Back." He is currently working on a biography of Mike Nichols.

Copyright (c) The New York Times Company [August 14, 2019]
Review by Booklist Review

*Starred Review* After a five-year wait (following Claire DeWitt and the Bohemian Highway, 2013), Claire DeWitt continues her quest to solve the mystery of her childhood friend's disappearance even if it kills her. Claire, Tracy, and Kelly were best friends growing up in Brooklyn who discovered their passion for solving mysteries through philosopher-detective Jacques Silette's treatise on detection and through the Cynthia Silverton, Teen Detective, comics. After the case-cracking teen trio became renowned for their investigative prowess, Tracy suddenly disappeared, leaving Claire and Kelly determined to solve the mystery of her vanishing. Now in her twenties and living in L.A., Claire narrowly escapes death at the hands of a mysterious white-haired man, and she's convinced the attack is a response to intriguing connections she's discovered between Jay Gleason (Silette's protégé), Tracy, and Silverton. Flashbacks to Claire's life-altering investigation of a controversial artist's death provide a kind of Zen context for Claire's current, rage-fueled hunt for the white-haired man. Gran's unique mysteries are an irresistible blend of quirky philosophical quests, gritty fight scenes, and painful truths. This very special series will have Alan Bradley fans imagining what might have happened if Flavia de Luce had grown up and landed in noir-tinted California.--Christine Tran Copyright 2018 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

At the start of Gran's bold and stunning third novel featuring PI Claire DeWitt (after 2013's Claire DeWitt and the Bohemian Highway), Claire is headed for Las Vegas, Nev., in 2011 when she's nearly killed by a crazed driver in Oakland, Calif. She manages to limp away from the scene, wondering who would have wanted to kill her. Flash back to Brooklyn in 1985, when Claire was the world's greatest teenage detective. As a devotee of Jacques Silette, the French author of an obscure book called Détection, she and best friends Tracy and Kelly solved many cases. That same year Tracy vanished without a trace, and her disappearance has haunted Claire ever since. Back in 2011, Claire has discovered a lead in Las Vegas involving a rare comic book that may hold the key to what happened to Tracy. In a third narrative strand, set in Los Angeles in 1999, the 20-something Claire, who needs hours to earn her PI license, takes on a cold case involving the strange deaths of two artists. Mixing classic tropes of teen detective fiction with elements of eastern philosophy and a profound sense of the absurd, Gran takes readers on an unforgettable journey. Agent: Barney Karpfinger, Karpfinger Agency. (Sept.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

The third boon in Gran's metaphysical, gritty series (after Claire DeWitt and the City of the Dead and Claire DeWitt and the Bohemian Highway) begins with a hit-and-run in 2011 Oakland. Someone is trying to kill Claire DeWitt. Injured, she evades the authorities and heads to Las Vegas, looking for answers to this new mystery and the disappearance of her friend in 1986. Along the way, she recalls a cold case in 1995 Los Angeles, tangles with other detectives and underworld characters, and ingests vast quantities of drugs while contemplating life's big questions through the lens of a girl detective comic book and the writings of a French detective-philosopher. The story begins rather disjointedly, but hits its stride when Gran drops some of the high quirk and focuses on the intricacies and delusions of the art world in the 1995 case. The artists' search for truth and meaning mirror her own. VERDICT Fans who have been eagerly awaiting Claire's next outing will be satisfied; newcomers are advised to read the first two books before diving into this one. Not a neat little whodunit at all, this looks at the larger mysteries of life, love, and identity, and bears rereading.-Liz French, Library Journal © Copyright 2018. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
Review by Kirkus Book Review

An existentially weary PI confronts three major cases that may be related in Gran's (Claire DeWitt and the Bohemian Highway, 2013, etc.) fragmented take on the hard-boiled mystery genre.She wasn't supposed to walk away from the accident, but somehow, intrepid PI Claire DeWitt survives, because, as she tells herself, she is the best detective in the world. In fact, in her whole career, there is only one mystery that she hasn't been able to solve, other than how to live an emotionally balanced and financially successful lifethe disappearance of one of her best friends when they were teenagers. So as Claire sets out to discover who is trying to kill her, the novel also cuts to this past disappearance and to one of Claire's biggest cases in between. The latter, a murder investigation that she had to solve in order to earn her California PI license, becomes in many ways the core of the novel; the tendrils of mystery, motive, and investigation spread out across 25 years as the cases begin to converge. The quick movement from time period to time period, coupled with Claire's intellectual and sometimes depressive musings, makes the novel slow to start, but there's a fascinating echo in these pages of classic LA noir detective fiction from the age of Hammett and Chandler. Like Sam Spade and his ilk, Claire is jaded, but she's driven by "the only thing that was real, [which] was solving that mystery and if I got hurt or if I got lost or if I diedno matter what came in my way and no matter who came in my way I was going to solve it." And in seeking truth, she discovers faith, no matter how slim and how fragile, in her own existence.Give it a bit of time to wind up and you'll be charmed by this eccentric, enticingly artful mystery. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

The Infinite Blacktop CHAPTER 1 THE CASE OF THE INFINITE BLACKTOP Oakland, 2011 I fell into consciousness with a sudden, frightening, crash. My eyes popped open into a line of bright white-hot pain. I couldn't see anything except blinding light. I squeezed my eyes back shut. I gasped for air-- Remember, remember. I guess I screamed, because I heard someone scream and then I felt someone squeeze my hand and say, "You're OK. You're OK." I stopped screaming. Thoughts fell into my head. Accident. I'd been in a car accident. I remembered something huge and metal cracking through the door of my car and started screaming again. "OK, easy," the voice said. The voice was a man's, fairly young, probably white. I heard more sounds around the voice and felt cool air on my face. I was outside. I heard another scream. Not me. "I'll be right back," the voice said. "You're OK, just don't try to move." He let go of my hand and left. I knew who I was, but I couldn't form the words to understand it. My name was somewhere in my throat, but couldn't reach my mouth. I tried moving. Some parts moved and some didn't. I tried raising my hand. It took a few tries for my mind to connect with my brain, then with my nerves, muscles, and flesh, but it all started working, and I lifted my hand to my eyes and tried opening them again. I forced myself not to scream. Better, but still painful. My hand was red and black against violently bright light. Pain ripped through my left eye and my eyes squeezed shut again. Slowly, like ripping off a bandage, I opened my eyes again, and acclimated them to the light and me to the pain. I looked around. I was in Brooklyn. No. San Francisco. No. Oakland. Yes. Oakland. Everything in me screamed. Adrenaline screamed the loudest. Think, think. Who was I? Claire DeWitt. I am Claire DeWitt, and I am-- Another memory fell in with a thump: I'd been on the highway. The 80 to the 880 to-- It was a Lincoln. 1982. That was the thing that came cracking through my door. Who was driving it? And how did I know that? The image of the Lincoln hitting me washed over me again, erasing everything else. Everything started to go black again. Think, think. I remembered: I am Claire DeWitt. Didn't I want to be a detective? Yes. I wanted to be a detective, and I was. I was Claire DeWitt, and I was the best detective in the world. Think, Claire, think. Was I on a case? I'd figured out I was on some kind of gurney or bed. I sat up. My left leg and most of my ribs howled in protest. I was in an ambulance. The bright light above me was coming from the roof. The doors were open. I looked out. The sun had gone down and it was dark. The car I'd been driving was a pile of broken metal and glass. The other screams--the screaming that wasn't mine--were coming from a woman across the street, who was standing above what was either a pile of clothes or a badly injured person. After another moment I saw that the screaming woman had blood pouring out of her head. An EMT worker, maybe the same one who'd been holding my hand a minute before, was trying to look at the woman's bloody forehead. Lights blinked and blared from cop cars and ambulances. The black road glittered with glass and metal scraps. Around the ring of official responders was a circle of a few dozen citizens watching. The air had the smoky, bloody, disorienting smell and haze of a bad accident. Remember, remember. I was Claire DeWitt, the best detective in the world, and someone had just tried to kill me. I took a deep breath. The woman who was screaming and bleeding--I'd seen her before the accident. She'd been standing across the street when I was hit. "Holy shit," she'd said. "He's gonna kill her." He. My first clue. I tried to remember the Lincoln without letting the memory overwhelm me. It was a direct hit: the car had driven right toward me, aiming for the driver's seat. Not an accident. An attempted murder. My second clue. I looked around. I was on a broad street near Fruitvale. I felt around in my clothes. No gun. Why didn't I have a gun? I remembered: It had been in my car, taped under the passenger seat. Safer for driving. No way to get it now. Then I gasped again and looked around with a start and realized: the Lincoln that had hit me wasn't here. That car was a fucking monster. A near-murder would barely ding the chrome on the bumper. Whoever had tried to kill me was probably not too far away, waiting for their next chance. I jumped off the gurney, then collapsed into a crouch when my legs crumpled from under me. Think, Claire, think. I sent my attention down to my legs, which were unwilling to stand. The right seemed OK. It was the left that didn't want to go anywhere. I put my weight on my right leg and pushed myself up. That was all right. I stood, and looked around the accident scene again. I could use a gun. I could also use the cop attached to one of them. Eight patrol officers. I knew plenty of cops in Oakland but I didn't know any of these cops. Seven men, one woman. Think, think. I realized my breath was so fast and shallow I was almost panting. I forced it to slow down. My left eye burned and my left leg screamed. The adrenaline flooding me made the pain tolerable, kept its sharp edges pushing me up and out instead of down and in. I wasn't sure exactly where I was, or why, but something smart and mean took over. Something without words. Something that I knew would keep me alive, if I let it. I looked around for something that would help me walk. I didn't see anything. I tried to move without help. Pain shot up my left leg into my hip and I stifled a scream. I stopped. I tried moving my arms a little and they seemed to work OK. I took another step. Almost as bad. I wasn't sure I could do it. Do you want to live? I asked myself. Or do you want to stay here and die? Swallowing the pain, one eye squeezed shut, I looked around and forced myself to be smart. On the floor of the ambulance was a big blue windbreaker, probably one of the EMTs'. I looked at the cops. The closest one was the woman. She was standing by the crime scene, making sure no one fucked with my broken rental Kia. I looked around. Everyone else was busy, most of them with the screaming woman. I moved my arms a few more times, shook out my legs, grinding my teeth against the pain. It's this or die, I told myself. It was an old line, and I'd used it on myself too many times before. But it still worked, because it was true. I sat back down on the gurney. I looked around, mind racing, and saw a flashlight in a holder on the side of the ambulance. I grabbed the flashlight. The lights from one of the cop cars flashed against the ambulance, red and blue and white. I took off my jacket and dropped it on the floor behind me, half on top of the windbreaker. There was a thin white sheet on the gurney and I added that to the pile. From a distance it would work well enough. I stared at the cop and willed her to look at me, silently screaming to her. Here is your destiny, I screamed. Here is where your eyes were meant to fall. After a minute she looked at me. When she saw that I was up she opened her mouth to call her coworkers but I put a finger to my lips--shh--and looked terrified. Which was easy, because I was terrified. I had her eyes now. Half the war was won. I pointed over my right shoulder, down toward where I'd ditched the clothes and sheet on the ambulance floor. With the uneven lighting, she couldn't tell what was behind me--a pile of clothes or a person. He's here, I mouthed. I kept her eyes locked on mine. Using the same finger, I cut a clean line across my throat. He's going to kill me, I mouthed. She put her hand on her gun and came toward me, stepping carefully in the dark night. Her skin was smooth and dark, the red and blue lights flashing over her face, beating out their ancient code of help me, help me, help me-- She stepped up to the ambulance slowly. As she got closer she got scared, and drew her gun. She was five feet away, then four, then one. I put my hand on the flashlight. I still looked terrified. I still was terrified. She got to the entrance to the ambulance, gun out in her right hand. "Don't scream," I said. She looked at me, confused-- Using every single ounce of power I could pull from the universe, in one quick quiet motion, I brought the flashlight down on her wrist. She dropped the gun. God smiled on me. The gun landed on the floor of the ambulance and I grabbed it, struggling against blackness as the pain shot through my leg and up through my ribs as I twisted. I held up the gun and pointed it at her. "Don't scream," I said. "Don't say anything at all." She looked pissed and scared and I didn't blame her. "I'm not going to hurt you," I said. "Unless I have to. And don't feel bad," I said. "No one beats Claire DeWitt." I couldn't remember everything. But I remembered that. Claire DeWitt always wins. She didn't say anything but I saw that she was thinking We'll see. That was about what I was thinking too. We'll see. There was a first time for everything, and maybe this was it. Maybe this was the time I would lose. "Now give me your radio," I said. "What?" she said. "Your radio," I said. "You're going to give me your radio, then I'm going to give you your gun back, and then I'm going to leave. And unless you want everyone to know that I stole your gun, and you want to spend the rest of your life answering phones at a desk, you're not going to tell anyone about it. You're going to say you have no idea what happened to your radio. That you must've lost it somewhere. Sound good?" She looked around. She had a look on her face like she wanted to hit me. Like-- A face came into my head. Young. Big liquid eyes. Was that who was trying to kill me? No. A name came with the face with liquid eyes: Andray. I was going to look for Andray when I was hit. Why? The lama had called and said Andray, an old friend, who wasn't exactly a friend, was in trouble. The lama was another old friend. The lama and Nick Chang and Claude and Tabitha all fell back into my mind. And everyone I'd lost: Constance and Kelly and Paul and-- No. I could think about that later. What was important now was that I'd been going to look for Andray. No one knew except Claude and the lama. Did I trust them? Yes. I trusted them. I was going to look for Andray. There would be a change of plans now. Now, I was very focused on helping myself. Focus, Claire. I looked at the cop. She was as angry as she was scared. Maybe more. "No one's coming," I said to her. "No one's coming and no one's going to help you because this is what this is. This is what it is and this is exactly what was always meant to be." As I spoke my words sounded odd, even to me. My voice was raspy and uneven. A breeze picked up and cool air blew on my face and my hand and the gun in it. My left eye seared and twitched. But I knew those words were true. This was how it always was and always will be, exactly as it was meant to be. Meant by who? Or what? That was a question I didn't count on ever knowing the answer to. At least not tonight. But I could feel it all the same. Right here, with this cop, with this gun, at this scene with blood in the air-- Something was beginning. And even more was ending. The cop handed over her radio. I stuck it in the waistband of my pants. "You wanted real life," I said to her. "Well here it is." "Fuck you," she said, before she could stop herself. "Fuck you too," I said. "And now you're giving me your Taser, too, 'cause I just don't trust you anymore." I made myself get off the gurney and then step down to the pavement. She didn't move. I was holding the gun down low, by my side, so no one would see it. Now I pressed it against her femoral artery in her leg. A kill shot. "Taser," I said. This time she handed it over. Her face was red-hot rage under her pretty dark skin. "Go over there," I said, and pointed to the side of the ambulance, a good four feet from me. She did it. I crouched down and tossed the gun under the ambulance. I stood up. "Now it's up to you," I said. "You can stop me, and end your career 'cause you let a PI everyone hates get your weapon away from you. Or you can buy a new Taser, let me go, and forget this ever happened." "You're gonna pay for this," she said. "I bet you're right," I said. I thought, but didn't say, I already have, and steeply. She dove for the gun and I ran, or came as close to running as I could--really a kind of fast limping with one straight leg--grinding my teeth against a scream, and didn't stop until I was four blocks away, in the bathroom of a bar called The Dew Drop Inn, washing blood and glass out of my eyes. Man. White Lincoln. 1982-ish. Not much to go on. More of my self, and all that had happened to it, had come back as I ran. I was a detective. I solved mysteries. I had enemies. The Case of the Bird with Broken Wings. The Clue of the Misplaced Penny. Plenty of people wanted me dead. I'd been a detective since I was a child. I'd solved mysteries no one wanted to solve. I'd cracked cases that had ruined lives and saved others. But today, I realized, would have been a particularly hard day to kill me. I'd crashed my car a few weeks ago and was driving a rented Kia. I wasn't on an official case, just a personal one, which made me harder to track. No clients. No clues. So a lot of people wanted me dead. The question was: Who wanted me dead today? Excerpted from The Infinite Blacktop: A Novel by Sara Gran All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.