Enough as she is How to help girls move beyond impossible standards of success to live healthy, happy, and fulfilling lives

Rachel Simmons, 1974-

Book - 2018

Offers advice to help parents guide teenage girls to recognize and reject perfectionist messages that lead to self-doubt, unfulfilling relationships, and fears of failure, and teach them self-compassion, how to take healthy risks, and the importance of finding support.

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Subjects
Published
New York, N.Y. : Harper, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers [2018]
Language
English
Main Author
Rachel Simmons, 1974- (author)
Edition
First edition
Physical Description
xxiv, 270 pages ; 24 cm
Bibliography
Includes bibliographical references (pages 241-255) and index.
ISBN
9780062438393
  • Introduction: Not enough as she is
  • The college application industrial complex
  • Girls and social media: the virtual second shift
  • Can we fat talk?
  • Overcoming self-doubt and closing the confidence gap
  • Mental treadmills: expecting the worst and overthinking
  • Turning self-criticism into self-compassion
  • The cult of effortless perfection and the rise of stress olympics
  • Control + alt + delete: the merits of changing course
  • We can't give our children what we don't have
  • The senior year slap in the face: life after college
  • Conclusion: "Dearest daughter: lean inside."
Review by Booklist Review

With girls achieving more academically and heading for better education and careers than their mothers and grandmothers, why do so many exhibit such a dangerous lack of confidence? Simmons' latest book (after The Curse of the Good Girl, 2009) illuminates the current crisis and abundance of stress-inducing challenges that girls are facing. In engaging prose, she laments that, instead of shedding outdated standards of female success with something more progressive, society has shoveled more and more expectations onto the already robust pile of qualities we expect girls to possess. Fortunately, there is hope. Using studies and reflections, along with examples from her own training program, parents and educators are taught ways to help instill self-confidence, self-compassion, and self-regulation in girls and young women. Many readers became familiar with Simmons through her first book, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls (2002), which remains popular and on the shelves at many libraries. Enough as She Is will be just as important. A must-add for public libraries, school libraries, and many college collections.--McIntosh, Joyce Copyright 2018 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Simmons (The Curse of the Good Girl), cofounder of the nonprofit Girls Leadership, tackles the "college application industrial complex," perfectionism, defensive pessimism, and other factors that undermine teenage girls' confidence and happiness. Young American women are more successful than ever, Simmons observes, but she warns that the "anything is possible" mentality has sparked a mental health crisis. Her guide awakens parents to the sources of their daughters' stress by examining the insidious effects of social media, body shaming, competitive complaining, negative self-talk, and overthinking. She then shows how girls, with their parents' help, can prioritize confidence and self-compassion along with achievement. Simmons acknowledges that parenting adolescent girls can be tough, and in one especially helpful section prescribes eight emotional-support strategies for moms and dads to share with daughters as they navigate this challenging phase together. In her role as a researcher and leadership specialist, Simmons encountered college-age girls from a range of backgrounds, and here uses their stories to complement her interviews with precollege adolescents. Her book persuasively demonstrates that girls can replace the toxic cultural imperative for "more" with their own vision of a fulfilled life. Agent: Gail Ross, Ross Yoon Agency. (Mar.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

According to Simmons (Odd Girl Out; The Curse of the Good Girl), founder of the nonprofit Girls Leadership, toxic messages about success and a burning drive to achieve no matter the cost have resulted in a 25 percent increase in already skyrocketing teen depression rates. The author describes how society pushes a "develop confidence" message to young women, which becomes code for yet another area to work on, in an era in which Supergirl is the baseline. At the same time, social media has contributed to teens disconnecting from parents and friendships, those relationships that are the most vital to their growth and resiliency. Meanwhile, parents themselves struggle with myths that tarnish their relationships with their teenager as they come up against a culture that advocates hyperattentive control of all aspects of their child's life. Here, Simmons interviews 96 girls from a variety of backgrounds to analyze the damaging messages they received ("what you accomplish matters more than what you learn," "everyone is doing better than you") and the often destructive results. She encourages strategies to help steady your daughter and propel her forward with new messages, while correcting harmful core beliefs along the way. -VERDICT A fascinating read that provides ideas for combatting the "not enough" -ideals that are devastating young girls. © Copyright 2018. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
Review by School Library Journal Review

According to Simmons (Odd Girl Out; The Curse of the Good Girl), founder of the nonprofit Girls Leadership, toxic messages about success and a burning drive to achieve no matter the cost have resulted in a 25 percent increase in already skyrocketing teen depression rates. The author describes how society pushes a "develop confidence" message to young women, which becomes code for yet another area to work on, in an era in which Supergirl is the baseline. At the same time, social media has contributed to teens disconnecting from parents and friendships-those relationships that are the most vital to their growth and resiliency. Meanwhile, parents themselves struggle with myths that tarnish their relationships with their teenager as they come up against a culture that advocates hyperattentive control of all aspects of their child's life. Here, Simmons interviews 96 girls from a variety of backgrounds to analyze the damaging messages they received ("what you accomplish matters more than what you learn," "everyone is doing better than you") and the often destructive results. She encourages strategies to help steady daughters and propel them forward with new messages, while correcting harmful core beliefs along the way. -VERDICT A fascinating read that provides ideas for combatting the "not enough" -ideals that are devastating young girls.--Julia M. Reffner, Richmond, VA © Copyright 2018. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
Review by Kirkus Book Review

Practical advice on raising well-adjusted girls.Today's girls, Simmons (Leadership Development Specialist/Smith Coll.; The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence, 2009, etc.) writes, are "glass ceiling-busting, selfie-taking world changers." However, as she notes, these same girls have higher levels of anxiety and self-criticism than any of their predecessors thanks to the numerous roles girls must play. They have the chance to be as successful and ambitious as their male peers, yet must also be "physically fit, pretty and sexy, socially active, athletic, and kind and liked by everyone." Depression and angst in young women are on the rise, a tide Simmons hopes to stop with her levelheaded and useful tips for parents. The author analyzes the way society and social media have created more tension for girls as they try to be everything for everyone, and she offers methods for diffusing tough situations. Simmons also addresses body imagery and body fat, the need to look as if you have a perfect life on social media, the objectification of women, handling disappointments and failures, and the drive to be highly athletic and involved in multiple extracurricular activities. Like most experts, she stresses the importance of unplugging, looking inward to find answers, using self-compassion, and setting realistic and obtainable goals in order to make changes. Though her solutions aren't groundbreaking, the author's accessible tone makes this a helpful tool for parents who need advice and want to help their girls become well-rounded women. The culture won't change until we properly discuss the many issues that create anxiety, depression, and pressure in girls; Simmons begins the conversation for parents, and it's up to them to continue it.Concrete, straightforward advice on helping girls move beyond the anxiety, depression, and angst that plague so many as they strive toward adulthood. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.