We need to talk How to have conversations that matter

Based on a popular TED talk, this unassuming but powerful debut offers 10 strategies for improving conversational skills. Headlee recounts her own missteps as a public-radio host as her launching point for an urgent plea: "It only takes one good conversation to change your understanding of someone else's world, your world, and the world at large." Never losing sight of this imperative, the book demonstrates the need for better communication in the workplace, in civic spaces, and at home. Headlee is careful to avoid lecturing (at times too much so-her unassuming approach can sometimes come across as a lack of confidence in her own expertise). Her point is to challenge readers, especially the best educated, to recognize their own shortcomings. A common theme in books on communication skills is the importance of listening and empathy-and this work is no different-but Headlee supplements her injunction to listen with directions on avoiding such tendencies as "woolgathering" ("indulging in random thoughts or daydreaming") while in conversation, or "shift responses" (the often unconscious "desire to take over a conversation"). Tidbits from sociological studies and anecdotes from history, including from civil rights activist Xernona Clayton's groundbreaking conversations with KKK leader Calvin Craig, round out a book that takes its own advice and has much to communicate. Agent: Heather Jackson, David Black Agency. (Sept.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

In this era of social media and increasing political and cultural polarization, we need to think more about how and why we converse with one another.Headleewho hosts the daily news show On Second Thought on Georgia Public Broadcasting and has been involved in radio broadcasting since the late 1990sdebuts with a book offering different moves and steps to the oft-heard music of the self-help genre. Serious readers will be glad to see the text is not chockablock with bullet points and other graphic favorites (and clichs) of the genre. Instead, the author delivers well-researched and careful analysis of how and why we talk with one anotherour strengths and (myriad) weaknesses. Throughout, Headlee surveys psychological and neurological research, reminding us, among other things, that we are not good at multitasking, that areas of our brains light up when we talk about ourselves, and that we have the attention span of a goldfish. The first half of her text is roughly a theoretical foundation of the second, which offers her "specific strategies" for conversing. She suggests that we keep conversations short, eschew preaching, recognize and acknowledge the limits of our knowledge, and listen. Most significantly, she continually returns to her theme of empathy, a factor missing in so many conversations. We are so eager to tell our stories that we neglect to listen attentively to what the other person is saying. Occasionally, Headlee falls victim to platitudes: conversation is like a river; we need to be "fully present" in our conversations, etc. Still, she is appealingly self-deprecating, repeatedly discussing and dissecting her own conversational failures and disasters, and she alludes to a range of authorities on the topics. A thoughtful discussion and sometimes-passionate plea for civility and consideration in conversation. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.