The optimist's guide to divorce : how to get through your breakup and create a new life you love

The optimist's guide to divorce How to get through your breakup and create a new life you love

Suzanne Riss

Book - 2016

"Close to 50 percent of marriages in America fail, leading to about 1.5 million divorces a year. But for Suzanne Riss and Jill Sockwell, who've been there and done that, there's no comfort in statics, only community. Community is the one thing that can turn the shattering experience of divorce into a tolerable one-and, finally, a positive one. And community is what the authors offer in their inspiring and brilliantly helpful book, The Optimist's Guide to Divorce. This is the girlfriend-to-girlfriend guide that belongs in the hands of every one of those 1.5 million divorcing women. It's the book that draws on real women's experiences-not only the authors' but ten other women from the support group the autho...rs started who all share their stories, insights, and wisdom. It's the book that gets into the trenches at the beginning of the process, in the section called Deal, which focuses on what readers need to know right away - including how to tell the kids, confront the financial issues, figure out where to live, find legal help, and emotionally get through the day. From there it moves to Heal, which helps readers work through their anger, loss, and sadness and develop an action plan for the future. And, finally, Reveal, when it's time to celebrate the hard work and a new, stronger self. Because-in the succinct words of the book's underlying promise-the best time to find yourself is after losing him. Direct, warm, friendly, humorous, it's the book that will get every reader into a better relationship with the one person she'll be with for the rest of her life-herself"--

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Subjects
Divorce.
Divorce > Psychological aspects.
Divorced women > Life skills guides.
Published
New York : Workman Publishing 2016.
Language
English
Main Author
Suzanne Riss (author)
Other Authors
Jill Sockwell (author)
Physical Description
x, 278 pages : illustrations ; 23 cm
ISBN
9780761187424
  • Introduction A Friend in Need
  • Part 1. Deal
  • Chapter 1. "I Don't"
  • Having the "it's over" talk
  • When you leave him
  • When he leaves you
  • Telling family and friends
  • Things to do now
  • Riding the emotional roller coaster
  • Chapter 2. The Kids: Handle with Care
  • Explaining the separation to your kids
  • Helping them express their feelings
  • Easing the transition to two homes
  • Finding support Take the Parenting Pledge to avoid putting down their dad
  • Chapter 3. Law & Disorder
  • What you can expect financially
  • Understanding your divorce options
  • Dos and don'ts of hiring the right professional help
  • Popular misconceptions
  • Custody and child support basics
  • Chapter 4. Temporary Chaos
  • Making a new budget
  • Safeguarding your job during the divorce
  • Careers you can launch in six months or less
  • Single mom money-savings tips
  • Leaving room for small miracles
  • Chapter 5. A Place to Call Home
  • Moving out: Understanding your options
  • Can you afford to stay in the marital home?
  • Handling credit problems
  • Selling your home The difference between alone and lonely
  • Chapter 6. The Ex Files: Communicating 101
  • Lessons from the trenches
  • Strategies to keep your cool no matter what
  • Setting healthy boundaries
  • Why nobody truly wins a fight
  • What role does your ex play in your divorce drama?
  • Chapter 7. Your Ex and the Warm Body Replacement
  • When your ex moves on before your side of the bed is cold Coping with jealousy-even if you left him
  • Feeling replaced or rejected
  • Focusing on your new life, not his
  • Part 2. Heal
  • Chapter 8. The Golden Key: Acceptance
  • Letting go of how you thought things would turn out
  • Embracing uncertainty
  • Forgiving yourself-and him
  • Finding that after acceptance come energy and light
  • Chapter 9. It's an Inside Job
  • Learning from your relationship patterns
  • Being gentle with yourself
  • What to do differently next time
  • Why a romantic relationship can't fix everything
  • Simple steps to healthier relationships
  • Chapter 10. Finding Peace of Mind
  • Meditating to find calm anytime, anywhere
  • Dealing with depression
  • When you need professional help
  • 20 Things that will make you feel good
  • Cultivating self-reliance
  • Chapter 11. Your TLC Action Plan
  • Embrace our 3-week plan for a healthier you
  • Sleep your way to the top
  • What to eat to improve your mood
  • Sweat the stress out with exercise
  • The power of gratitude
  • Chapter 12. Write Your Own Happy Ending
  • Refraining your divorce story to accentuate the positive
  • Avoiding the shoulda-coulda-woulda trap
  • Accepting things as they are
  • Learning from the past
  • Exploring new possibilities
  • Part 3. Reveal
  • Chapter 13. Guide to Gorgeous
  • Updating your wardrobe from married to single
  • Fake it till you make it-with makeup
  • Rebound hair beyond compare
  • Recognizing that true beauty comes from within
  • Chapter 14. Happily Ever After ... With Yourself
  • Knowing your best qualities
  • You're complete just as you are Dating yourself
  • Reasons not to put your life on hold
  • Goals vs. dreams
  • Creating a vision board for your future
  • Chapter 15. Socializing Again the Scarlet
  • Strategies for stepping out solo
  • Easy conversation starters Getting out of your comfort zone - in heels
  • Confidence boosters
  • Navigating the holidays
  • Creating new traditions
  • Chapter 16. Drinks & 8 - Time to Oatt
  • Ready-to-date quiz
  • Prepping your dating profile
  • Online dating: fakers, felons... and fun prospects
  • Meeting people IRL (in real life)
  • Dating dos and don'ts Your next relationship
  • Chapter 17. Create Your Own Community
  • Launching the Maplewood Divorce Club
  • Easy steps to start your own club
  • Guiding principles
  • Tips for running successful meetings
  • Paying it forward: friendship and support
  • Afterword It Got Better
Review by Booklist Review

Riss, an editor, and Sockwell, a real-estate agent, met when they were both separating from their husbands. They later formed the Maplewood Divorce Club, named for their New Jersey town and based on the well of support they'd found in one another. Their first book together is the one they couldn't find when going through their own divorces: a nonclinical, realistic book of advice, lessons learned, and mistakes made by women who'd been there. In three sections, Deal (with the dirty details of the divorce itself), Heal (from the inevitable sadness and hurt), and Reveal (an even better you on the other side), the coauthors incorporate the experiences of 10 divorcées, each composites of two or more women from their group. From varying backgrounds and portrayed with their identifying details obscured, they've left passionless, abusive, or faithless unions, or been left themselves. The overall effect is a chorus of relatable, emotional, and true-feeling stories about the many facets of divorce that will have newly single advice-seekers feeling less alone and more sure they'll get through it, too.--Bostrom, Annie Copyright 2016 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Riss and Sockwell founded the Maplewood Divorce Club (named for their New Jersey town) with the aim of helping other women cope during an emotionally tough time, the same sentiment behind this book. Digging deep into the stories of their own breakups-as well as those of composite characters intended to represent situations such as "I'm bored with my marriage," "My husband came out of the closet," and "He's abusing me"-the authors tell readers how to deal, heal, and reveal. "Deal" addresses the practicalities: how to tell the kids, the machinations of divorce court, and finding a new place to live. "Heal" offers advice on accepting that the marriage and old way of life are over and treating oneself with kindness. "Reveal" explores how to date again with practical advice for regaining confidence in social settings as well as the benefits of staying single. The warm and empowering tone of this book will convince readers that there's life on the other side of a painful divorce. (Jan.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

Cofounders of the Maplewood Divorce Club, a community of divorcées, Riss and Sockwell maintain that the end of a significant relationship is the best time to introduce positive change. Using a girlfriend-to-girlfriend style, the authors apply their own and many other women's experience to help new divorcées "deal" (e.g., how to tell the kids, find legal help), "heal" (e.g., work through anger and loss), and "reveal" (e.g., create community and explore fresh relationships). The book offers practical advice on living alone, handling credit problems, and coping with jealousy as well as working toward building healthy relationships, forgiveness, and managing grief. VERDICT A valuable resource for recently divorced women who need to get back on track. © Copyright 2016. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

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