Empty cradle, broken heart Surviving the death of your baby

This gentle book fills a void often overlooked in today's high-tech world of miracle babies: how it feels to lose a baby during or shortly after pregnancy. With sensitivity, Davis gives validity to the grief and feelings experienced by parents in this situation. Her text offers suggestions for dealing with feelings of failure, anger, and guilt. Davis examines the effects the death has on other family members, and she encourages parents to integrate the loss into their lives at their own pace. Advice on topics ranging from support networks to trying again are presented in a simple, moving text, much of which is told in the words of parents themselves. Bibliography; to be indexed. ~--Tracie Richardson

2   Grief and Mourning   All the work to create this baby, summoning his soul from who knows where, all to end as ashes in a little box. I can't stand the endless goneness of him. -- Claudia   For a bereaved parent, the journey of grief and mourning encompasses a multitude of painful feelings, distressing thoughts, and uncomfortable sensations.You may feel utterly unprepared for the intensity of this journey. It's impossible to anticipate how you will feel from day to day, or hour to hour.Your life can seem hopelessly altered and uncertain.You may wonder if you are going crazy. Because mourning the death of a baby is a bewildering experience, it can help to learn about what to expect and what other bereaved parents have experienced. When you know what's involved in mourning, you can be reassured that your emotions are valid and normal. When you can see how others have mourned, you can feel less alone and better able to cope with your grief. It would have helped if somebody had educated us and told us what it was going to be like and said,"You're going to feel these things. Don't think you're going crazy, because it's normal." I didn't know what was going on. So I thought I was going crazy, and I didn't want to tell anybody about the feelings. -- Desi It is also important to have realistic expectations for this journey. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; there is no established length of time for mourning. The bereaved parent who expects to feel a certain way after a certain amount of time will only be distressed to discover that grief is not so orderly. Moreover, no two people grieve in the same way or with the same intensity. Different feelings surface at different times for different people. (See also chapter 9, "Especially for Fathers"; chapter 10,"You and Your Partner.") Remember, too, that grieving is not a problem to be solved but a journey to be lived. It hurts, but it's not wrong. And while there is no quick dx or magic coping skills that will erase your pain, there are many ways you can lovingly tend to your grief and soothe your broken heart.   Excerpted from Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.