Why won't you apologize? : healing big betrayals and everyday hurts

Why won't you apologize? Healing big betrayals and everyday hurts

Harriet Goldhor Lerner

Book - 2017

"Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language--Im sorry--and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust. Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologiesand why some people wont give themfor more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we've inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “Im sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury. Why Wont You Apologize? also addresses the compelling n...eeds of the injured partythe one who has been hurt by someone who wont apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right,"--Amazon.com.

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Subjects
Apologizing.
Interpersonal conflict.
Interpersonal relations.
Published
New York : Touchstone 2017.
Language
English
Main Author
Harriet Goldhor Lerner (author)
Edition
First Touchstone hardcover edition
Physical Description
x, 195 pages ; 22 cm
ISBN
9781501129612
  • Chapter 1. The Many Faces of "I'm Sorry"
  • Chapter 2. Five Ways to Ruin an Apology
  • Chapter 3. More Wimpy, Overblown, and Downright Relationship-Busting Sorrys
  • Chapter 4. Apologizing Under Fire: How to Handle Big-Time Criticism
  • Chapter 5. The Secret Life of the Non-Apologizer
  • Chapter 6. "He's So Defensive!" What Do You Have to Do With It?
  • Chapter 7. How-and Whether-to Accept the Olive Branch
  • Chapter 8. Who Is at Fault? When Reconciliation Grinds to a Halt
  • Chapter 9. The Most Stunning Apology I Ever Witnessed
  • Chapter 10. "You Need to Forgive" and Other Lies That Hurt You
  • Chapter 11. How to Find Peace
  • Chapter 12. The Two Most Powerful Words in the English Language
  • Acknowledgments
  • Notes
Review by Library Journal Review

Psychologist Lerner (The Dance of Anger) delves into the power of apologies. Done right, they heal and heighten intimacy. Done wrong (or not at all), they can destroy bonds and in some cases retraumatize. Lerner explains why it is hard to apologize, why it is excruciating to hear silence or defensiveness in lieu of an apology, and how to vulnerably and responsibly say, "I'm sorry." The book is written to be easily accessible to the nonclinician. Those familiar with current psychology, however, will recognize Lerner's alignment with clinicians John Gottman and Sue Johnson. We are connected, we will screw up, and we can repair disagreements through de-escalation with sincere remorse. Most wonderfully, Lerner tackles absent apologies that hurt and demoralize. She considers forgiving vs. letting go and shows readers how to have one without the other. Her book is on par with Janis Abrahams Spring's How Can I Forgive You? and a valuable addition to the forgiveness literature. VERDICT Highly recommended for mental health professionals and anyone struggling to offer an apology, hoping for one, or wishing to move on-with or without forgiving.-Jennifer M. Schlau, Elgin Community Coll., IL © Copyright 2016. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

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