How to be a person in the world Ask Polly's guide through the paradoxes of modern life

Review by New York Times Review

LEAVING LUCY PEAR, by Anna Solomon. (Penguin, $16.) Beatrice -18 years old, unmarried, Radcliffe-bound - leaves her newborn daughter in her uncle's pear grove, hoping that the thieves who often steal fruit will take the child, too. Years later, in a Massachusetts in the throes of Prohibition, Beatrice is restless, stalled and grieving, when the woman who adopted the baby begins working for Beatrice's uncle, and the families' fates are entwined yet again. AMERICAN ULYSSES: A Life of Ulysses S. Grant, by Ronald C. White. (Random House, $20.) This thorough biography celebrates the virtues and contradictions of the president and general, with a focus on his success during the Civil War. In White's telling, Grant emerges as a skilled, courageous leader with a deep faith, commitment to justice and hidden wit - a corrective to images advanced by Jim Crow-era historians and other critics. THE HIGH PLACES: Stories, by Fiona McFarlane. (Picador, $16.) The high places McFarlane invokes in this collection range from the literal (paratroopers during World War II) to the divine (a pastor questioning his faith). "The narrative impulse behind these vivid tales is understandable," our reviewer, Christopher Benfey, wrote. "McFarlane's instinct as a storyteller is to let some puzzles remain unsolved." THE BRIDGE LADIES: A Memoir, by Betsy Lerner. (Harper Perennial, $15.99.) To repair a fraught relationship with her mother, Lerner begins attending her longstanding Monday bridge club - a fixture of her social life even when the author was a child. As our reviewer, Becky Aikman, put it, the memoir "makes a case for spending time together under the rules of neutrality imposed by a game, an approach to living that refrains from over-sharing and outward complaint to concentrate on the task at hand." PALACE OF TREASON, by Jason Matthews. (Scribner, $16.99.) Dominika Egorova, the synesthetic double agent introduced in Matthews's first thriller, "Red Sparrow," has returned to Russia from the West and ascended to the top ranks of the Russian Intelligence Service - making her one of the best-placed C.I.A. moles. As she fends off Iranian assassination attempts and advances from President Vladimir V. Putin, she hides secrets of her own. HOW TO BE A PERSON IN THE WORLD: Ask Polly's Guide Through the Paradoxes of Modern Life, by Heather Havri lesky. (Anchor, $15.) The advice columnist for New York magazine grapples with such substantive issues as creative quandaries and emotional blocks. The collection, which includes both previously published and new columns, dispenses thoughtful, tough-love advice.

Copyright (c) The New York Times Company [August 30, 2019]

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Review by Booklist Review

*Starred Review* If gentle, hand-holding self-help is what readers are looking for, beware. Havrilesky's trenchant but inspiring! brand of advice is full of such quips as You MUST recognize that life among those who don't appreciate or understand you is bullshit. For the past four years, Havrilesky (Disaster Preparedness, 2010) has been dishing out such words of wisdom on the Internet every week in her popular column, Ask Polly, selections of which are collected here. With the caring but no-holds-barred voice of a close friend who knows you all too well, Havrilesky replies to letters and offers advice on relationships, marriage, creativity, careers, parenting, and growing old. Her answers are often full of irreverent commentary and always contain some well-placed cursing, but at the heart of each is a plea to graciously accept the juddering path of mere existence, even at its worst moments, and embrace the vulnerability of the moment just as it is. There are no platitudes here; just an honest acknowledgement that though the world is unfair and people can be thoughtless, there is strength in self-acceptance, autonomy, and the pursuit of those things, however mundane they may be, that bring delight. Readers allergic to classic self-help will adore Havrilesky's empowering, grounding, and utterly sincere message delivered in a lovingly unsparing, perfectly profane tone.--Hunter, Sarah Copyright 2016 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.

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Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Havrilesky (Disaster Preparedness), the writer of New York magazine's popular "Ask Polly" column, provides a wealth of new material on work, love, friendship, and fulfillment, all written in her straight-shooting signature style. She admonishes a writer worried about her eccentricities for her "reductive dichotomies" when comparing herself to others, but also acknowledges that "people are allergic to confessional, outspoken women." Providing some much-needed real talk to a writer mired in depression, Havrilesky begins, "Reading your letter feels like playing a board game that you can only lose... Draw a 'Not a Chance in Hell' card: 'Advance to Lonely Life Abroad.'" She can be devastating, putting a potential bridezilla in her place ("Your dream will not come true") and verbally eviscerating a man who feels entitled to extramarital affairs ("You've been watching too much Mad Men"). She is similarly direct with a woman consistently involved with married men: "You don't have compassion for other women." True to its title, this collection touches on nearly every facet of living, and Havrilesky's wit, intelligence, and candor set her apart as perhaps the best advice columnist currently in circulation. Agent: Sarah Burnes, Gernert Company. (July) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

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Review by Library Journal Review

Havrilesky (aka Aunt Polly, nymag.com; Disaster Preparedness) collects some of her fan favorites and never-published pieces of advice that take on universal issues such as a chronically unemployed boyfriend, the ennui of being nice, and the guilt of having an affair. However, both the questions and answers the author provides seem to pander to an audience that is as much interested in the cleverness of the response as they are in the topics. Havrilesky's writing is sound, yet, as noted in the New York Times Book Review, it takes a bit of reading to get to the essence. VERDICT Perfect for advice seekers who are also looking for solutions laced with touches of snark, humor, and a willingness to "get" all sides of the subject. © Copyright 2016. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

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Review by Kirkus Book Review

An advice columnist provides real examples of the problems people face.Popular New York Magazine advice columnist, author of "Ask Polly," Havrilesky (Disaster Preparedness, 2010) shares a series of letters that cut to the chase on a variety of topics. Do you need to know what to do when you contract a sexually transmitted disease? Do you want to transition from a party girl to a more responsible adult without taking all the fun out of life? Are you searching for a lifetime partner in all the wrong places? The author tackles all these heady issues and more in her no-nonsense, in-your-face, funny-yet-useful answers. Havrilesky uses examples from her own complicated life to help readers understand that they are not alone, that she too has encountered numerous problems and been able to find solutions. One common theme is the importance of not dwelling on mistakes. "You have to make peace with yourself," writes the author. "Push away the bad voices, again and again, and replace them with something kinder and more patient. Say to yourself, I'm broken right now, but I'm doing my best.' Take in the electricity, the shivers, the rough-hewn fear of your raw state, and eventually, if you welcome these feelings in enough without fighting them, you'll find inspiration and comfort there." Whether you've committed the "cardinal friendship sin" of dating an ex-boyfriend of a lifetime friend, are struggling to choose between a career as a musician and its inherent demands or the possibility of marriage and children with a woman you love, or are reaching a certain age in life and realize you no longer want to be alone, Havrilesky will tell it straight as to what you should and shouldn't do to remedy the situation. Funny, frank advice for people searching for solutions to a myriad of relationship issues. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

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Author's Note   In the fall of 2012, I pitched an existential advice column to The Awl, a website that publishes smart, original takes on modern culture. At the time, I was a regular contributor to the New York Times Magazine, writing mostly essays about pop culture, and I had a column called the Best-Seller List in Bookforum . I'd spent seven years as a TV critic for Salon.com, I'd written a cartoon called Filler for Suck.com (the Internet's first daily website!) for five years before that, and I'd answered advice letters on my own blog as early as 2001. But this was something new. I'd never dished up advice to a wider audience. When The Awl 's co-founder, Choire Sicha, said yes to my idea, he made it clear that the column could be anything I wanted it to be. But what did I want it to be? Obviously, I had all kinds of outspoken, sometimes unwelcome advice to offer friends, family, and complete strangers alike. I'd been handing out unsolicited advice for years. But did I want the column to be funny? Did I want to use the column to rail against the scourge of passivity and avoidance in modern relationships or to address our culture's burdensome fixation on constant self-improvement? Did I want to sneak in some commentary on troubled friendships, Kanye West, weddings, rescue dogs, luxe brands, commitmentphobic men, property ownership, the artist's life, pushy mothers-in-law, or Game of Thrones ? As it turned out, I wanted to do all of these things, and eventually I did. But when I was sitting down to write my first weekly column, I just felt scared. "Who do I think I am, giving other people advice?" I thought. "I'm not qualified for this! I don't have it all figured out. What the hell am I doing?"  I've been asking myself that same question every week for four years now. And when Stella Bugbee, the editorial director for New York magazine's website The Cut, approached me about taking my advice column over to her site, I wondered what she was thinking. Sure, this meant a much larger audience for Ask Polly and more money for me. But did she really know what she was signing on to? "You know my column is three thousand words long every week, and half of those words are 'fuck,' right?" I asked her. Somehow, this didn't scare her off. I don't always feel qualified to guide other people to a better life. As a writer, even when I'm sitting down to start a book review or a cultural essay, as I've done professionally for years now, the blank page mocks me. "What could you possibly have to say?" it asks. "When are you going to give this up and do something useful with your life?" The blank page can be a real asshole sometimes. Still, nothing I do brings me more happiness than writing Ask Polly. I'm not always sure of the right answer for any letter, whether someone is dealing with depression and anxiety, a go-nowhere job, a series of not-quite boyfriends, or an overly critical parent. But I do know for certain that when I reach out as far as I can to another person, using my words--my awkward, angry, uplifting, uncertain, joyful, clumsy words (half of which are still "fuck")--some kind of magic happens. There is magic that comes from reaching out. I don't believe in many things, but I believe in that, with all of my heart. Excerpted from How to Be a Person in the World: Ask Polly's Guide Through the Paradoxes of Modern Life by Heather Havrilesky All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

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