Review by Booklist Review
The subtitle of Raeburn's (Chris Ware, 2004) second book is a love story, but much of his memoir is about loss. An expansion of a piece previously published in the New Yorker, it begins with Raeburn briefly describing his quick enthrallment and marriage to his wife, Becka. The rest is devoted to Becka's succession of pregnancies that ended, often, in miscarriage. Their first child, whom they named Irene, was delivered as a stillbirth. As the memoir moves forward in time, Raeburn shares recurrent thoughts about Irene and the life she never had, even after the birth of two healthy daughters, and his reflections on his lost daughter are a poignant reminder of the pain and heartbreak that resonate after such a tragedy. Raeburn's account is, at times, graphic, yet his deeply personal descriptions of familial devastation and triumph form an affecting work. More than offering a simple tale about grief and the struggles of parenthood, Raeburn speaks to the emotional influence of those we try to bring into the world and the lives we are responsible for.--Wozniak, Allegra Copyright 2016 Booklist
From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review
Marriage can be rife with challenges even in the best of times, but when a relationship is beset by tragedy, as Raeburn (a writer and teacher at the University of Chicago) recounts in this affecting and often wrenching memoir, that is when vows and bonds are truly tested. Raeburn, at loose ends professionally and personally, meets Bekah, a potter, at a party, and they have an instant connection. But Raeburn endured his parent's shattering divorce and wants nothing to do with marriage or kids. Bekah, also a bit lost after experiencing artistic success, makes the first move. After they get engaged, Raeburn is still fighting his lingering reluctance when Bekah learns she's pregnant, but ultimately miscarries. When she gets pregnant again, she discovers she has a thyroid condition and placenta abruptia, placing her chances of carrying to term at 50/50. The baby, Irene, is stillborn, but Bekah goes through the labor because her midwife explains it will improve her chances of giving birth later on. They're haunted by Irene, keeping her ashes in a vase Bekah made. They go to a support group, bury themselves in work, take note of which friends and relatives say and do nothing while they grieve, and mark Irene's almost birthdays. Raeburn writes palpably of loss and anguish, but also shows how love, hope, and resilience triumph over despair. (Mar.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Kirkus Book Review
A University of Chicago creative writing instructor's account of the near-marriage-ending heartbreak he and his wife suffered as they struggled to have children.When Raeburn first met his wife, Bekah, a potter, she immediately "felt like family." But a shadow loomed over their relationship. Before they married, Bekah miscarried one child; later, she gave birth to a dead child they named Irene, whose cremated remains the pair kept in one of Bekah's handmade jars. Both felt profound rage and grief, which they took out on each other and, sometimes, on themselves. To the author, Bekah's pained pessimism seemed to hint at feelings that she was a monstrous mother "who'd rejected her child." Haunted by their failures, they continued to try for more children. They finally succeeded when Rebekah gave birth via cesarean section to a healthy daughter. Yet even in the midst of personal happiness, Raeburn was still deeply troubled over the loss of his first child. Irene had become an absent presence that reminded them of the deaths that had not only occurred within the family but, like the suicide of a beloved painter-friend, had also occurred outside of it. Meanwhile, Bekah became pregnant again only to miscarry. And while the family seemed to grow closer, Raeburn could begin to see the cracks emerge in the relationship with his wife. It was as though they were sacrificing "the marriage that had made [Irene]by re-creat[ing] the [dysfunctional] ones that had made us." At forty, Bekah finally gave birth to another daughter, which, though a joyful event, tested the bonds within the family even more. Yet in the end, the "vessel" of the Raeburns' marriage held, "cemented" by bonds forged through blood, loss, and hope. The narrative is not only a poignant expression of how two young people matured as they created a family. It is also a celebration of the way that birtheven if that birth ends in sudden deathbrings new life to parents. An eloquently candid memoir. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
