My real children

Jo Walton

Book - 2014

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SCIENCE FICTION/Walton Jo
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Subjects
Genres
Alternative histories (Fiction)
Science fiction
Published
New York : Tor 2014.
Language
English
Main Author
Jo Walton (-)
Edition
First edition
Item Description
"A Tom Doherty Associates book."
Physical Description
320 pages ; 22 cm
ISBN
9780765332653
Contents unavailable.
Review by New York Times Review

IN "ANNIHILATION," the first book of Jeff VanderMeer's Southern Reach trilogy, readers were introduced to Area X, a stretch of coastal wetland whose conspiracy-theory name is the icing atop a mille-feuille of layered, slow-building, deliciously creepy horror. Twelve teams of researchers, stripped of names to somehow protect them from the identity-warping effects of the danger zone, have traveled into Area X; "Annihilation" followed "the biologist" as she seemingly became the only survivor to actually understand what was happening. The second book, AUTHORITY (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, paper, $15), pulls the action back to the edge of Area X, where the government agency that oversees the phenomenon - the Southern Reach - is going through some changes in the wake of the 12th expedition. A new director has come aboard, and his decision to shed his name in favor of the nickname Control is the first hint that all is not as it seems in the halls of this outdated and underfunded government complex. Area X is an idea as well as a place, gradually colonizing everyone who has contact with it, and it's no accident that Control's gradual discovery of the agency's secrets parallels the journey of the biologist in the first book. The narrative is mundane in a way that lulls the reader into a false sense of complacency, as Control spends an inordinate amount of time attending meetings and worrying about personnel matters. Yet VanderMeer carefully inserts oddities at well-timed intervals to remind the reader of just what it is the Southern Reach is dealing with. While cleaning out the previous director's office, for example, Control finds an apparently unkillable plant in a desk drawer that has been closed and locked for months. Mysterious graffiti, familiar to readers of "Annihilation," appears on the office walls. The incidents pile up, building in tension and terror until it becomes very, very clear that Area X is in no way safely contained within its borders. As in the first book, VanderMeer also performs a careful character study of one of the few people strange enough to contend (debatably) with Area X. This elevates the whole exercise into something more than just a horror novel; there's something Poe-like in this tightening, increasingly paranoid focus. But where Poe kept his most vicious blows relatively oblique, VanderMeer drives them deep - albeit in a corkscrewing way that is no less cruel and exquisite. There's a slower buildup of tension in this book than the first, possibly because it's almost twice as long. The payoff is absolutely worth the patience. It's easy to get lost in the scenery Chris Beckett introduces in his third novel, DARK EDEN (Broadway, paper, $15), which won the Arthur C. Clarke Award in England last year. Eden, the sunless rogue planet on which a pair of stranded spacefarers played Adam and Eve (other biblical allusions are less obvious, thankfully), is the poetic if improbable setting. Here life has evolved to channel energy from the planet's interior to its surface in endless variety and sufficient quantity to make up for the lack of a sun. Beckett describes in exhaustive detail glowing forests of lantern trees and light-reflecting predators that sing to their prey. He renders the terror of the darkness beyond the forests with a riveting deftness that evokes all primordial fears of the unknown. So entrancing and fresh is Eden's beauty, in fact, that it might take a while for the reader to notice the tired devices playing out against its backdrop. The Family, as the 532 primitive descendants of the spacefarers call themselves, has dwelled for generations in one forest on Eden, never daring to venture into the lightless, frozen lands beyond. This is a problem because their growing population has taxed the forest to capacity, and something will have to give soon. Enter young John Redlantern, the stalwart visionary who dares to question the nonsensical traditions passed down from their Earthborn forebears. It takes a while for this part of the story to get going, but you can see it coming from nearly the first chapter: John, his devoted but forgettable cousin and his equally clichéd love interest eventually challenge enough of the Family's status quo to be kicked out of it, forcing them into the dark. The journey is exciting, and Beckett cleverly offers his characters additional threats to face as the dark becomes less of one, but it's all a bit predictable. What really dims Eden's glow, however, is the 1950s ethos underpinning the whole thing. The Family has developed into a relatively peaceful communal society that venerates its elders and has necessarily relaxed sexual norms; the society John seeks to create instead is monogamous, individualistic, rife with subtle bigotries and rooted in murder. Survival and progress, the story seems to suggest, require these things. John himself is that most threadbare of science fiction types: the impossibly handsome, impossibly forward-thinking young man who gets the prettiest girl with no particular effort, and saves the day through sheer bloody-mindedness. Beckett tells the story from the alternating viewpoints of John and his companions, but it's unclear why he bothers with the others; everything's about John anyway. Still, for the sort of readers who like their heroes retro and their world-building literally colorful, there's plenty here to intrigue and entrance. It quickly becomes clear over the course of Jo Walton's MY REAL CHILDREN (Tor, $25.99) that there's no overtly science fictional or fantastic element in this story of an English girl who comes of age in postwar Europe. As an old woman, Patricia tells her story through the haze of deepening dementia - perhaps. Her memories are oddly bifurcated: In one recollection, her younger self makes the fateful decision to enter a loveless marriage with her college sweetheart; in the other she turns down his proposal and gallivants off to an exciting life as a travel writer, eventually entering a long-term same-sex relationship. The result is two period dramas for the price of one, told through the science fictional conceit of alternate realities. But it does a disservice to this powerful novel to focus overmuch on its structure or categorization. Both versions of Patricia - the much-put-upon, traditional Trida and the avant-garde free spirit Pat - endure the trials of women of the time with admirable grace. Some of these are alien enough to jar a modern reader; it's excruciating to see Tricia suffer marital rape and reproductive coercion, though she hardly has the language or self-actualization to view this treatment as abusive. It's correspondingly exhilarating to see Pat experience a degree of freedom that few modern women can claim, as she breaks boundaries as an expatriate single woman and forges a nontraditional family. Between these highs and lows, both Patricias travel the usual middle ground of life: rebellious children, unexpected career opportunities, the decline of a partner's or parent's health. Both Patricias are the same woman, and in many ways they're living the same lives. The difference ultimately lies in feminism: at which point in her two lives Patricia embraces it, and to what degree. Pat lives the intersectionality of the third wave from the moment she leaves her parents' house, while Trida comes late to "The Feminine Mystique" and a second-waver's rejection of traditional marriage's inequalities. All of this is rendered with Walton's usual power and beauty, establishing firmly that both Patricias are valid, fully realized women with stories worth knowing. The alternate-history elements grow stronger as the stories progress, yet it's this haunting character complexity that ultimately holds the reader captive to the tale. Within the sphere of steampunk there seems to be a rapidly growing subsphere of gadgetless "neo-Victorian" novels, most of which attempt to recapture the romance of the era without all the sociopolitical ugliness. In the same vein as Kay Kenyon's "A Thousand Perfect Things" and Gail Carriger's Parasol Protectorate series, here comes Marie Brennan's the tropic of serpents (Tor, $25.99), Book 2 of the fictional memoirs of Lady Isabella Trent, a well-born alterna-Englishwoman who braves war, nature and propriety in pursuit of her passion for naturalism. Though Lady Trent is prevented from joining the pre-eminent scientific societies of her era because of her gender, she's well on her way to achieving fame anyway, as the book's frame narration implies. (The older Trent describing these events notes that her memoirs are quite popular.) This is probably because she's chosen to focus her formidable intellect on cataloging and understanding the world's dragons. That alone wouldn't be enough to sustain a fantasy series, though, so in this second Lady Trent outing (after "A Natural History of Dragons"), we follow her to Eriga, Brennan's stand-in for the African continent. There she and her companions, including a young runaway heiress who also wants to devote her life to science, become embroiled in local politics. This portion of the story is a little slow, in part because the heroine is forced to isolate herself when she menstruates per local rules. This means that after a promising opening in which mysterious antagonists steal the formula for preserving dragon bones, there's a long lull in which Lady Trent meets with this or that important personage to gain support for her cause. Eventually, however, the action resumes as Lady Trent and her party are sent into dangerous territory on a quest for dragon eggs. A set of lovely illustrations, maybe meant to evoke Darwin's texts, accompanies this quest. Even when the action resumes, however, it's all surprisingly unengaging. This may be a flaw of the medium and not the work itself. The problem lies in the need to keep the era recognizably Victorian, when really, it shouldn't be. Actual Victorian mores and politics were a reaction to a specific series of historical events, technological and scientific developments, and ethical trends in which the commodification of people was de rigueur. In "The Tropic of Serpents" (as in similar neo-Victorian works), these ugly bits of real history are elided. There's little mention here of an international slave trade, no British Raj. There's some space allotted to a push by Western powers to get access to the iron of other lands, but this is relevant only in how it threatens the protagonist's goals : Properly treated, dragon bone is stronger than iron. She fears a speculative run that could wipe out the beasts. In a way, this illustrates the niggling problem with neo-Victorian fiction. That Isabella frets so obsessively about conservationism while the nation around her ratchets toward war is actually spot on as an example of a colonizer's patronizing attitude - but not enough actual colonialism exists in this world to support that attitude. And meanwhile the story's focus on the liberation of only wealthy, white and otherwise highly privileged women ignores the grassroots-driven, labor-movement-inflected struggle that actually took place in our own world's England. All of this actually serves to emphasize what's been left out of these idealized Victorian worlds, and trivialize the struggles and complexities that made the era fascinating in real life. Which is fine, for readers who aren't especially interested in engaging with those complexities. In that case, the story is exactly what it says on the tin: a rollicking adventure in which women wearing unnerving amounts of underwear tromp through jungles on dragon-hunting safaris. Really, that should be more than enough for just about everyone. The most praiseworthy thing that can be said about Daniel Price's novel the flight of the silvers (Blue Rider, $27.95) is that it borrows from the best. There's something admirably audacious in the way Price attempts to blend superhero comics, portal quest fantasies, science fictional "other Earths," thrillers and Hollywood summer tent-pole films. All of these things can be entertaining on their own, but any attempt to put them together stands a solid chance of turning into a jumbled mess even in the most skilled hands. Price's book could have been worse, but not by much. The problem starts from the prologue, in which Price lavishes detail on the parents of two children, Amanda and Hannah Given, in a movie-trailer opening that sees the family saved from a highway disaster by three inhumanly beautiful beings. These beings use awesome might-as-well-be-magical powers to stop time, then announce that the two little girls are special and theatrically vanish. None of this is necessary. The parents are dead by Chapter 1. The girls are young enough that they barely remember the incident, and the omniscient narrative informs us it has no real impact on their lives. The story reintroduces Hannah and Amanda in their 20s, by which point both have grown into tiresome clichés. Amanda is a successful, no-nonsense career woman, while Hannah has become a flighty mediocre actress whose most significant work is being attractive to men. (Her breasts are mentioned several times.) The reader then learns almost nothing more about these sisters for roughly 300 pages. Oh, there are lots of scenes of both women reacting to another mysterious disaster (this one literally world-ending), but they develop only minimally beyond the stereotypes they represent. Even after the sisters are transported to an alternate universe in which flying cars and time travel are the norm, it takes 150 pages to figure out what makes them so special - namely, that they and a few others have their own might-as-well-be-magical time powers. They were all given silver bracelets, and thus are referred to as "the Silvers" for the duration. You know, like "the Avengers." The whole book - a whopping 600 pages - is structured like this: a portentous action scene depicted via a clunky, head-hopping narrative informing the reader something special has just occurred, followed by a grueling wait before the specialness is only partially explained. Since the book is the first of a proposed series, full explanations will be a long time coming. There are some mitigating elements amid the morass. The novel's alternate America, diverging from our world thanks to a disaster that rewrites the history of science, is genuinely fascinating; descriptions of the transformed New York City are some of the most eloquent in the book. As the Silvers come together, learn to wield their uncanny powers and promptly go on the run from people mysteriously trying to kill them, the story does get more interesting. Price devotes a lot of time to fleshing out his ensemble of young, attractive, white people through character quirks like alcoholism and Whedonesque witty banter. You can practically smell the Hollywood bait. In fact, Hollywood is likely to compress the cast and plot into a more manageable package. Maybe wait for the film version on this one. N.K. JEMISIN is the author of the Inheritance trilogy and, most recently, "The Shadowed Sun." Her new novel, "The Fifth Season," will be published next year.

Copyright (c) The New York Times Company [June 1, 2014]
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Jo Walton's My Real Children is a bit like a novel written from the point of view of Schrodinger's cat, except that instead of a cat we have a smart, sympathetic Englishwoman named Patricia, and she's not alive and dead, she's alive twice-she lives two parallel lives, in two distinct worlds, both of which are apparently equally real. While the premise of My Real Children is science fictional, its tone is that of literary realism. Patricia is born in 1926, but when we first meet her she's almost 90 and in a nursing home, where her confused memories of two different pasts are taken as a symptom of senile dementia. Patricia isn't so sure. "It was just that things were different, things that shouldn't have been different," she thinks. "She remembered Kennedy being assassinated and she remembered him declining to run after the Cuban missile exchange. They couldn't both have happened, yet she remembered them both happening." In 1949, shortly after she graduates from Oxford, Patricia receives a marriage proposal from a pushy suitor named Mark, a devout Christian. In the life where she says yes, Mark and Trish (as she's called) wind up in a terrible, loveless union; she's a stoic, philosophical soul and a devoted mother who eventually gets involved in local politics. In the other life, where Patricia goes by Pat, she turns Mark down and later has a loving partnership with a woman named Bee and a joyful career writing travel guides. Walton tells both stories in the same even, unfussy tone: no matter how well or badly things go for Pat or Trish, the narration remains observant but calmly, coolly distant. The fortunes of the wider world flop the opposite way. Pat lives in a world of nuclear exchanges and rabid intolerance. Trish's world chooses peace and international cooperation in space. (Each world is recognizably related, but not identical, to our own.) Comparing the two, Patricia is forced to wonder: did her choice split not just her own life, but the history of the entire species? Do we all possess that power, and the responsibility that comes with it? My Real Children has as much in common with an Alice Munro story as it does with, say, Philip K. Dick's The Man in the High Castle. It explores issues of choice and chance and destiny and responsibility with the narrative tools that only science fiction affords, but it's also a deeply poignant, richly imagined book about women's lives in 20th- and 21st-century England, and, in a broader sense, about the lives of all those who are pushed to the margins of history: the disabled, the disenfranchised, the queer, the lower middle class. My Real Children is a quiet triumph, not least because whatever life Patricia happens to be living at any given moment, she remains deeply and recognizably herself. Good novels show us a character's destiny as an expression of who they fundamentally are. What most novels do only once, My Real Children does twice. Lev Grossman is the book critic at Time magazine and author of the forthcoming novel The Magician's Land. (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

Dementia obscures some memories and reveals others for octogenarian Patricia Cowan. Two lives, two families diverge from a single choice. Which life should she have lived, and which did she really experience? VERDICT Readers of character-driven speculative fiction will appreciate the importance Walton places on personal moments of consequence as well as on those that change the wider world. (LJ 4/15/15) © Copyright 2016. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

1 VC: 2015 "Confused today," they wrote on her notes. "Confused. Less confused. Very confused." That last was written frequently, sometimes abbreviated by the nurses to just "VC," which made her smile, as if she were sufficiently confused to be given a medal for it. Her name was on the notes too--just her first name, Patricia, as if in old age she were demoted to childhood, and denied both the dignity of surname and title and the familiarity of the form of her name she preferred. The notes reminded her of a school report with the little boxes and fixed categories into which it was so difficult to express the real complexity of any situation. "Spelling atrocious." "Needs to pay attention." "Confused today." They seemed remote and Olympian and impossible to appeal. "But Miss!" the kids would say in more recent years. She would never have dared when she was in school, and neither would the obedient girls of her first years of teaching. "But Miss!" was a product of their growing confidence, trickle-down feminism, and she welcomed it even as it made her daily work harder. She wanted to say it now herself to the nurses who added to her notes: "But Miss! I'm only a little confused today!" The notes hung clipped to the end of her bed. They listed her medication, the stuff for her heart she had been taking for years since the first attack. She was grateful that they remembered it for her now, the abrupt Latin syllables. She liked to check the notes from time to time, even though the staff discouraged it if they caught her at it. The notes had the date, which otherwise was hard to remember, and even the day of the week, which she so easily lost track of here, where all days were alike. She could even forget what time of year it was, going out so seldom, which she would have thought impossible. Not knowing the season really was a sign of severe confusion. Sometimes, especially at first, she looked at the notes to see how confused she appeared to them, but often lately she forgot, and then forgot what she had forgotten to do among the constant morass of things she needed to keep track of and the endless muddle of notes reminding herself of what she had meant to do. She had found a list once that began "Make list." VC, the attendants would have written if they had seen it; but that was long before the dementia began, when she had been still quite young, although she had not thought so at the time. She had never felt older than those years when the children were small and so demanding of her attention. She had felt it a new lease on youth when they were grown and gone, and the constant drain on her time and caring was relieved. Not that she had ever stopped caring. Even now when she saw their faces, impossibly middle-aged, she felt that same burden of unconditional loving tugging at her, their needs and problems, and her inability to keep them safe and give them what they wanted. It was when she thought of her children that she was most truly confused. Sometimes she knew with solid certainty that she had four children, and five more stillbirths: nine times giving birth in floods of blood and pain, and of those, four surviving. At other times she knew equally well that she had two children, both born by caesarean section late in her life after she had given up hope. Two children of her body, and another, a stepchild, dearest of them all. When any of them visited she knew them, knew how many of them there were, and the other knowledge felt like a dream. She couldn't understand how she could be so muddled. If she saw Philip she knew he was one of her three children, yet if she saw Cathy she knew she was one of her four children. She recognized them and felt that mother's ache. She was not yet as confused as her own mother had been at last when she had not known her, had wept and fled from her and accused her of terrible crimes. She knew that time would come, when her children and grandchildren would be strangers. She had watched her mother's decline and knew what lay ahead. In her constant struggle to keep track of her glasses and her hearing aid and her book it was this that she dreaded, the day when they came and she did not know them, when she would respond to Sammy politely as to a stranger, or worse, in horror as to an enemy. She was glad for their sake that they didn't have to witness it every day, as she had done. She was glad they had found her this nursing home, even if it seemed to shift around her from day to day, abruptly thrusting out new wings or folding up on itself to make a wall where yesterday there had been a corridor. She knew there was a lift, and yet when the nurses told her that was nonsense she took the stairlift as docilely as she could. She remembered her mother struggling and fighting and insisting, and let it go. When the lift was there again she wanted to tell the nurse in triumph that she had been right, but it was a different nurse. And what was more likely, after all--that it was the dementia ("VC"), or that place kept changing? They were gentle and well-meaning, she wasn't going to ascribe their actions to malice as her mother had so easily ascribed everything. Still, if she was going to forget some things and remember others, why couldn't she forget the anguish of her mother's long degeneration and remember where she had put down her hearing aids? Two of the nurses were taking her down to the podiatrist one day--she was so frail now that she needed one on each side to help her shuffle down the corridor. They stood waiting for the elusive lift, which appeared to be back in existence today. The wall by the lift was painted an institutional green, like many of the schools where she had taught. It was a color nobody chose for their home, but which any committee thought appropriate for a school or a hospital or a nursing home. Hanging on the wall was a reproduction of a painting, a field of poppies. It wasn't Monet as she had thought on earlier casual glances; it was one of the Second Impressionist school of the Seventies. "Pamela Corey," she said, remembering. "No," the male nurse said, patronizing as ever. "It's David Hockney. Corey painted the picture of the ruins of Miami we have in the little day room." "I taught her," she said. "No, did you?" the female nurse asked. "Fancy having taught somebody famous like that, helped somebody become a real artist." "I taught her English, not art," Pat said, as the lift came and they all three went in. "I do remember encouraging her to go on to the Royal Academy." Pamela Corey had been thin and passionate in the sixth form, and torn between Oxford and painting. She remembered talking to her about safe and unsafe choices, and what one might regret. "Somebody famous," the female nurse repeated, breaking her train of thought. "She wasn't famous then," Pat said. "Nobody is. You never know until too late. They're just people like everyone else. Anyone you know might become famous. Or not. You don't know which ones will make a difference or if any of them will. You might become famous yourself. You might change the world." "Bit late for that now," the nurse said, laughing that little deprecating laugh that Pat always hated to hear other women use, the laugh that diminished possibilities. "It's not too late. You'd be amazed how much I've done since I was your age, how much difference I've made. You can do whatever you want to, make yourself whatever you want to be." The nurse recoiled a little from her vehemence. "Calm down now, Patricia," the male nurse said on her other side. "You're scaring poor Nasreen." She grimaced. Men always diminished her that way, and what she had been saying had been important. She turned back to the female nurse, but they were out of the lift and in a corridor she'd never seen before, a corridor with heather-twill carpet, and though she had been sure they were going to the podiatrist it was an opthalmologist who was waiting in the sunny little room. Confused, she thought. Confused again, and maybe she really was scaring the nurses. Her mother had scared her. She hated to close herself back in the box of being a good girl, to appease, to smile, to let go of the fierce caring that had been so much a part of who she was. But she didn't want to terrify people either. Later, back in her bedroom with a prescription for new reading glasses that the nurse had taken away safely, she tried to remember what she had been thinking about Pamela. Follow your heart, she had said, or perhaps follow your art. Of course Pamela hadn't been famous then, and there had been nothing to mark her as destined for fame. She'd been just another girl, one of the hundreds or thousands of girls she had taught. Towards the end there had been boys too, after they went comprehensive, but it was the girls she especially remembered. Men had enough already; women were socialized not to put themselves first. She certainly had been. It was women who needed more of a hand making choices. She had made choices. Thinking about that she felt the strange doubling, the contradictory memories, as if she had two histories that both led her to this point, this nursing home. She was confused, there was no question about that. She had lived a long life. They asked her how old she was and she said she was nearly ninety, because she couldn't remember whether she was eighty-eight or eighty-nine, and she couldn't remember if it was 2014 or 2015 either. She kept finding out and it kept slipping away. She was born in 1926, the year of the General Strike; she held on to that. That wasn't doubled. Her memories of childhood were solitary and fixed, clear and single as slides thrown on a screen. It must have happened later, whatever it was that caused it. At Oxford? After? There were no slides any more. Her grandchildren showed her photographs on their phones. They lived in a different world from the world where she had grown up. A different world. She considered that for a moment. She had never cared for science fiction, though she had friends who did. She had read a children's book to the class once, Penelope Farmer's Charlotte Sometimes, about a girl in boarding school who woke up each day in a different time, forty years behind, changing places with another girl. She remembered they did each other's homework, which worked well enough except when it came to memorizing poetry. She had been forced to memorize just such reams of poetry by her mother, which had come in handy later. She was never at a loss for a quotation. She had probably been accepted into Oxford on her ability to quote, though of course it was the war, and the lack of young men had made it easier for women. She had been to Oxford. Her memories there were not confusingly doubled. Tolkien had taught her Old English. She remembered him declaiming Beowulf at nine o'clock on a Monday morning, coming into the room and putting the book down with a bang and turning to them all: "Hwaet!" He hadn't been famous then, either. It was years before The Lord of the Rings and all the fuss. Later people had been so excited when she told them she had known him. You can never tell who's going to be famous. And at Oxford, as Margaret Drabble had written, everyone had the excitement of thinking they might be going to be someone famous. She had never imagined that she would be. But she had wondered about her friends, and certainly Mark. Poor Mark. The indisputable fact was: she was confused. She lost track of her thoughts. She had difficulty remembering things. People told her things and she heard them and reacted and then forgot all about them. She had forgotten that Bethany had been signed by a record label. That she was just as delighted the second time Bethany told her didn't matter. Bethany had been crushed that she had forgotten. Worse, she had forgotten, unforgivably, that Jamie had been killed. She knew that Cathy was wounded that she could have forgotten, even though she had said that she wished she could forget herself. Cathy was so easily hurt, and she wouldn't have hurt her for anything, especially after such a loss, but she had, unthinkingly, because her brain wouldn't hold the memory. How much else had she forgotten and then not even remembered that she had forgotten? Her brain couldn't be trusted. Now she imagined that she was living in two different realities, drifting between them; but it must be her brain that was at fault, like a computer with a virus that made some sectors inaccessible and others impossible to write to. That had been Rhodri's metaphor. Rhodri was one of the few people who would talk to her about her dementia as a problem, a problem with potential fixes and workarounds. She hadn't seen him for too long. Perhaps he was busy. Or perhaps she had been in the other world, the world where he didn't exist. She picked up a book. She had given up on trying to read new books, though it broke her heart. She couldn't find where she had put them down and she couldn't remember what she had read so far. She could still re-read old books like old friends, though she knew that too would go; before the end her mother had forgotten how to read. For now, while she could, she read a lot of poetry, a lot of classics. Elizabeth Gaskell's Cranford came to her hand now, and she opened it at random to read about Miss Matty and her financial difficulties back in the time of King William. "The last gigot in England had been seen in Cranford, and seen without a smile." After a while she let the book drop. It had grown dark outside, and she got up and tottered over to draw the curtains. She made her way carefully, hanging onto the bed and then the wall. They didn't like her to do it without the quad cane but she was safe enough, there wasn't room to fall. Though she had fallen once on her way to the toilet and forgotten that she had a button to call for help. The curtains were navy blue, although she was quite sure there had been a pale green blind the last time. She leaned on the window sill, looking out at the bare branches of a sycamore moving in the breeze. The moon was half-obscured by a thin veil of cloud. Where was this place? Up on the moor? Or was it somewhere along the canal? There might be birds in the branches in the morning. She must remember to come and look. She had her binoculars somewhere. She remembered insisting on holding on to them and Philip saying gently that she wouldn't have any use for them in the nursing home and Jinny saying in her gruff way that she might as well bring them if she wanted them. They must be here somewhere, unless that was in the other world. It would be very unfair if the binoculars were in one world and the tree were in the other. If there were two worlds. If there were two worlds, then what caused her to slide between them? They weren't two times as they were for Charlotte. It was the same year, whichever year it was. It was just that things were different, things that shouldn't have been different. She had four children, or three. There was a lift in the nursing home, or there was only a stairlift. She could remember things that couldn't simultaneously be true. She remembered Kennedy being assassinated and she remembered him declining to run again after the Cuban missile exchange. They couldn't both have happened, yet she remembered them both happening. Had she made a choice that could have gone two ways and thereafter had two lives? Two lives that both began in Twickenham in 1926 and both ended here in this nursing home in 2014 or 2015, whichever it was? She shuffled back and looked at her notes, clipped to the end of the bed. It was February 5th 2015, and she was VC. That was definite, and good to know. She sat down but did not take up the book. It would be suppertime soon, she could hear the trolley moving down the corridor. They'd feed her and then it would be time for bed. This was the same whatever world she was in. If she had made a choice--well, she knew she had. She could remember as clearly as she could remember anything. She had been in that little phone box in the corridor in The Pines and Mark had said that if she was going to marry him it would have to be now or never. And she had been startled and confused and had stood there in the smell of chalk and disinfectant and girls, and hesitated, and made the decision that changed everything in her life. Copyright © 2014 by Jo Walton copyright © 2003 by Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden Excerpted from My Real Children by Jo Walton All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.