The undead Kama Sutra

Mario Acevedo

Book - 2008

Vampire detective Felix Gomez turns to a sex-expert fellow vampire as he faces his greatest challenge yet, becoming the lone defender against an alien plot to kidnap Earth women.

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SCIENCE FICTION/Acevedo, Mario
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1st Floor SCIENCE FICTION/Acevedo, Mario Due Oct 10, 2024
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Review by Booklist Review

In Acevedo's third bitingly funny Felix Gomez vampire-detective caper, Felix honors alien Gilbert Odin's dying wish, Save the Earth women. Aliens have serious plans for them, and Felix, who distinguishes humans by their red auras, must use all his powers to save them. He's aided by Cuban vamp sexpert Carmen Arellano quite a character, what with her Santeria skills, killer body, and manuscript exploring the Kama Sutra. Plus she's the astute proprietor of an island resort for exclusive vampires and their chalices, humans who willingly offer their blood. When a chalice goes missing, are aliens to blame?--Scott, Whitney Copyright 2008 Booklist

From Booklist, Copyright (c) American Library Association. Used with permission.
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Setting the stage for Felix Gomez's hard-boiled third adventure (after 2007's X-Rated Bloodsuckers), a dying alien tells the vampire PI to "find Goodman" and "save the Earth women." Felix is already on a case, collecting pages of a manuscript called The Undead Kama Sutra that supposedly shows how to increase a vampire's psychic energies and healing abilities through sex. The search has led Felix to the Florida Keys and researcher Carmen Arellano. After a guest at a vampire resort dies by alien energy blaster, Felix and Carmen track down the mysterious Goodman, a retired army colonel somehow connected to the disappearance of three other women. When Carmen is kidnapped by aliens, Felix must save the day. Curiously low on sex given the title and the example of previous volumes, the story collapses in a deus ex machina that may leave even Acevedo's fans less than eager for Felix's next escapade. (Mar.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

In his third outing, after X-Rated Bloodsuckers and The Nymphos of Rocky Flats, Latino vampire detective Felix Gomez follows a death-bed directive from an alien using the body of Gomez's long-dead college roommate and is on the trail of an alien killer and potential kidnapper of Earth women. Teaming up with fellow vampire Carmen, an expert in both sex and investigation, Gomez believes that only the legendary powers of an undead version of the Kama Sutra can protect them from assorted aliens' powers. This adults-only urban fantasy is recommended for libraries where sf humor and vampire fiction are popular. [See also Patricia Altner's vampire fiction roundup on p. 94.-Ed.] (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

The Undead Kama Sutra Chapter One "Find him," the alien said. "Find the man who killed me." I sat on the alien's bed. We were on the second floor of a cheap motel in Sarasota, Florida. To get up the stairs I had to get past three hookers, their pimp, and a blind man selling pot--for medicinal purposes only, of course. Gilbert Odin, or, rather, the alien who masqueraded as my abducted and long-deceased friend from college, lay on his back. His jaundiced eyes looked ready to pop from their sockets. His slender body stretched the length of the mattress and his wing tips hung over the end. Iridescent blood pumped from the wound on his chest, stained his clothes, and pooled on the bedcovers. It looked like maple syrup mixed with motor oil. The stench of his charred flesh and his natural reek of boiled cabbage would've watered the eyes of a buzzard. I cradled in my lap the space blaster I'd found on the floor--I'd almost tripped over the thing when I entered. Odin wheezed and gasped. His mustache arched across the top of the flattened oval of his mouth. Every faltering breath pumped more of that thick, shimmering blood from the hole in his torso. The puncture looked like someone had impaled him with a white-hot length of rebar. A black ring of burned flesh surrounded the thumb-sized opening. Odin was dying and there was nothing I could do to help him. No use dialing 911. What could I say? "Send help. I'm a vampire and need an ambulance for an extraterrestrial dying from a ray-gun blast." "Felix." Odin's hand touched my leg. "Find Goodman." "Goodman who?" I'd barraged Odin with questions since I'd been here. An hour ago I was cruising south on I-75 when he called my cell phone. He asked for help, gave directions to this squalid motel along the North Trail Corridor, and hung up. Question one. How did he get my number? Question two. How did he know I was in Florida? Question three. Why me? He hadn't answered these or any of my other questions. All Odin did was roll his eyes, squirm on the bed, and bleed. The lights were out and the room was as dark as the night sky outside. I had removed my contacts to unmask the mirrorlike retinas--the tapetum lucidum --in my eyes and use vampire vision. As a supernatural, I could see the auras of the psychic energy fields that surrounded all living creatures. The color of these auras corresponded to our chakras--our spiritual centers and the level of our psychic awareness. Humans had a red aura, the first and lowest chakra, which centered on manifestation in the material plane. Vampires, orange aura, the second chakra, connection from the material to the spiritual. Aliens, third and yellow, for transformation. To what? Judging from what I know about aliens, I wouldn't regard them as more evolved or spiritually developed than vampires. Auras can display our emotions more clearly than facial expressions. Since humans are blind to psychic energy, this gives us vampires the advantage when we pump them for information. Odin coughed. His aura faded to a diluted piss-yellow color. The penumbra of his psychic shroud tightened around his body. The last I'd seen of Odin was years ago, after he'd hired me to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at the Rocky Flats Nuclear Weapons Plant in Colorado. He knew the nymphomania was caused by a special isotope of red mercury leaking from a UFO the government had squirreled away, but he hadn't bothered to fill me in. I had to uncover that on my own. Odin might exist on a higher psychic plane but he was still a liar. Something else Odin hadn't told me was that he was an alien impostor and what he really wanted was a prototype psychotronic device other aliens had brought to Earth in violation of their intergalactic law. The psychotronic device was to test controlling humans by using psychic energy. Screw that. We vampires didn't need competition from extraterrestrials. So I had destroyed the device and had left Gilbert Odin the Alien with the mutual understanding that our identities would remain secret. Now he was back, and dying. Odin reached for the nightstand beside the bed. His aura brightened as he struggled against death. I stood and faced him. Odin hooked his fingers over the drawer pull and opened the drawer. He groped inside and withdrew a letter-sized envelope. "Take me here," he whispered. His thumb rubbed against numbers scrawled over the front of the envelope. Smears of his blood stained the corners. I took the envelope. It was heavy and contained something thick. The numbers on the front read: 27.25 82.46 "What do these mean?" I asked. "Just take me there," he said. "Help me get home." Odin turned his head toward me. The skin hung from around his eyes like he was starting to peel. "I have a family." I had considered a Mrs. Gilbert Odin and larvae Odins on another planet. Hope they stayed there. "You miss them?" I tried to sound sympathetic. "Are you kidding?" Odin gasped. "That's why I took this job." He chuckled, snork, snork, snork. I opened the envelope. It contained hundred-dollar bills in a wad thicker than my index finger. "What is this? About twenty thousand bucks, right? For what?" Odin turned his head back toward the ceiling. The loose flesh sagged from his skull as if he was deflating. Odin had told me he had gone through cosmetic surgery to blend into human society. With his body shutting down, the alterations were disintegrating. He aimed a crooked finger. His fingernail fell off and left a purple splotch on his skin. "For you." "Why?" Odin smacked his lips and worked his tongue out of his mouth. It flopped on his chin and rolled down his cheek to land quivering on the bedspread. The Undead Kama Sutra . Copyright © by Mario Acevedo. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold. Excerpted from The Undead Kama Sutra by Mario Acevedo All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.