The heart of parenting How to raise an emotionally intelligent child

We can raise our children so they're able to handle what life throws their way, argues research psychologist Gottman (Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, S. & S., 1994), and here he presents his five-step program of "emotion coaching." The program results from his studies ten years ago of 56 couples, which focused on how they dealt with their children's feelings about problems, losses, and heartaches and how the children fared as measured not psychologically but physiologically. Later, the couples (if they were still together), the children, and their teachers were revisited to determine the results. This complements the numerous good books on child rearing by focusing on the emotions, which until now have been given little attention. Highly recommended as readable and helpful. John Moryl, Yeshiva Univ. Lib., New York Copyright 1998 Library Journal Reviews

Gottman, a University of Washington psychology professor and author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, has studied family dynamics for more than 20 years. His observations lead him to divide parents into two categories: those who do and those who don't use the technique he calls "emotion coaching." With writer DeClaire, he begins by noting the obvious: good parenting involves emotion as well as intellect; parenting style has lifelong consequences. Giving credit to the work of late psychologist Haim Ginott and getting a nod from Emotional Intelligence author Daniel Goleman (who provides an intro), Gottman defines the five steps of "emotion coaching": being aware of the child's emotions; recognizing the presence of emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching; listening empathically and validating the child's feelings; helping the child to verbally label emotions; setting limits and problem-solving. He says that his studies demonstrate that children who are "emotion-coached" learn better, get along well with others and are physically healthier and socially better adapted than children who have not had such "coaching."Questionnaires with which parents can determine their style and measure their emotional awareness are included, as is a bibliography. For parents to whom emotional nurturing doesn't come easily, Gottman's approach offers reasons and methods for attending to one's child's emotional growth. (Feb.)

A professor of psychology details a five-step process called "emotion coaching" that allows parents to raise a child better able to cope with his or her emotions

A professor of psychology details a five-step process called "motion coaching" that allows parents to raise a child better able to cope with his or her emotions. 35,000 first printing.

The Heart of Parenting is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world, what Daniel Goleman in his bestselling book calls "emotional intelligence."Too often, says Gottman, children's emotions are dismissed - whether intentionally or not - and this can have a harmful effect on a child's self-esteem. Using examples that parents are sure to recognize, he explains how to become an "Emotion Coach," a parent who encourages children to express their emotions and helps them to manage emotions, with the goal of eventually learning how to handle emotional crises on their own. "Emotion Coaching" is a five-step process that is carefully and clearly explained in the book. Properly practiced, it will lead to greater emotional intimacy and trust between parent and child, even in times of emotional crisis.Drawing on anecdotes from his studies as well as his own experiences as a parent, Gottman provides clear and sympathetic guidance for parents on how to teach their children the intelligence that comes from the heart.