Introduction This is a book about recovery. Actually, this is a book about continuing our recoveries. I wrote it for people recovering from the ways they've allowed themselves to be affected by other people and their problems. I wrote it for people recovering from codependency, chemical dependency, and adult children issues. I wrote it for people struggling to master the art of self-care. Codependent No More , my last book, was about stopping the pain and gaining control of our lives. This book is about what to do when the pain has stopped and we've begun to suspect we have lives to live. It's about what happens next. We'll look at recovery, relapse, doing our family of origin work, and what to do about it after we've done it. We'll talk about relationships. We'll talk about concepts like surrender and spirituality too. We'll talk about many ideas: dealing with shame, growing in self- esteem, overcoming deprivation, sharing recovery with our children, and getting beyond our fatal attractions long enough to find relationships that work. When I began this manuscript, I had a long list of scattered bits of information I wanted to parlay. I wasn't certain how these ideas would fit together. When I stopped trying to control, the book took on, as some do, a unique and occasionally surprising life of its own. Codependent No More was about beginning our recoveries. This book is about the core issues of recovery: working on the nuts and bolts, and fine-tuning. In retrospect, it has emerged primarily as a book about growing in self-love, and our ability to affirm and nurture ourselves. A serendipity of that process is growing in our capacity to love others and to let them, and God, love us. This book is based on research, my personal and professional experiences, and my opinion. Throughout, I'll attempt to attribute all ideas, theories, and quotes to appropriate sources. Sometimes it's difficult to do that in the recovery field because many people say many of the same things. The case histories I use are true. I've changed names and details to protect people's privacy. I've included activities at the end of some chapters. You can explore your answers in a separate journal or notebook. Also, this book is not about how to change or help the other person. It's about knowing it's okay for us to continue helping ourselves, to better lives and improved relationships. An old adage says, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Another, however, says, "You teach what you most need to learn." Writers, they say, are teachers. "It is possible," wrote Lawrence Block, "to see everything we write as a letter to ourselves, designed to convey to one portion of ourselves the lesson that another portion has already learned." I have learned from writing this book. I hope you gain as much from reading it. Excerpted from Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time by Melody Beattie All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
