Single girl problems Why being single isn't a problem to be solved

Canadian talk-show host and dating-expert Bain cuts a razor-sharp, quick-witted tone, like a best girlfriend commiserating and dispensing advice while at the swim-up bar on vacation. Hoping to help women see singleness as a boon, her message does get muddled. Although striking back at the bad rap singles of a certain age seem to get from concerned partnered folks, there is a chapter called Single Girl Solutions wherein readers find out that their singleness can be solved by heeding new-relationship warning signs. That said, Bain gives advice on freezing eggs, managing money, and the importance of not settling for less than you deserve in life and in love. Plus, the intensely readable chapters are also packed with dating horror stories (beware a man who brings Jell-O packets on a date), quizzes, interviews, and vocabulary lessons (phubbing: snubbing your partner to look at your phone). Single folks in search of a Zen approach to love and dating might take Sara Eckel's It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single (2014) for a spin.--Jones, Courtney Copyright 2018 Booklist

There is no right or wrong way to be single. There's also no guarantee that you will meet the love of your life by age 27, date for two years, then get engaged and be married by 30. What will most likely happen is you'll have a few crushes -- in my case a lot of crushes. Some will like you back while others won't even know you're alive. Eventually you'll fall in love, which will feel so good I won't even bother trying to describe it to you. Some of your relationships will just fizzle, and some will break your heart into so many pieces that putting it back together will seem impossible.

At times you might be embarrassed to admit that you're still single because deep down you thought you would be married by now. Stop trying to explain to people why you're not. You don't owe them any answers. Conversely, never look at being single as a failure. Your life isn't about relationships but rather all the moments in between. Don't be afraid of your own company because no one can love you as much as you should love yourself. Loving yourself and learning to be self-sufficient are badges of honour -- not only do they set the standard for how you want to be treated, but I believe these abilities give you the tools to be a better human being. Get to know who you are instead of waiting for some magical person to walk into your life and make you more adventurous, richer, nicer, smarter, sexier, or more relaxed in your own skin. That's too big a job for anyone to take on anyway. At the end of the day, all anyone wants to be is loved and appreciated, not burdened with your unresolved issues.

Being dumped is not the end of the world; instead, be thankful for the experience because you'll grow more from those uncomfortable moments than from any of the "nice" relationships. One of the most important gifts you'll receive as you get older is learning to listen and trust your inner voice -- it's always right. If you're in tune with your gut and if you listen to your inner voice, you'll be able to tell when a relationship isn't working or know if the person you're dating is lying or cheating. And never let your desire to be in a relationship supersede your need to be happy.

Here's another very valuable piece of advice: no matter how cute that guy is, don't ever let him mistreat you or make you feel inferior. When you die no one will write the number of likes your Instagram photos got on your tombstone, so refrain from posting provocative pictures to get men to poke and double-tap. That attention is superficial. You are more than just your outward appearance; what's on the inside counts just as much -- if not more. Lastly, if you ever get approached by a married man, pivot and run in the opposite direction.

These are all of the things I wish someone had told me before I started dating. Instead I had to learn these lessons through trial and error. I read a million self-help books and articles, watched every Oprah episode about relationships, studied and talked about relationships on television for over three years, and, most importantly, went to therapy before I put it all together.

A lot of this book is based on my experiences as a heterosexual woman trying to navigate the dating world in the twenty-first century, but my hope is that this book will empower, educate, and entertain gay, straight, trans, and bisexual people. That being said, I also know that I can't be everything to everyone.

Dating in the twenty-first century is nothing like it was 50 or so years ago. Back then things were simpler: people in their early 20s dated with the intention of getting married. It was the only way a girl could survive if she didn't want to live with her parents forever. A woman's virtue was more important than her getting a diploma. Today the dating process is way more complex, and so are we. Women around the world in countries like Australia, Japan, Canada, India, and the United States are making major strides in the workforce, steadily climbing the corporate ladder, and breaking glass ceilings. The number of women in the highest paid jobs at the top 100 largest companies has doubled in the last 10 years, and attitudes toward women in leadership roles has changed for the better. At the same time, courtship has changed a lot as well. People are waiting longer to tie the knot, and technology has changed the playing field. Now there's online dating, texting instead of phone calls, dick pics, apps that help you break up with a person, and sliding into DMs. Even the dating language has changed. These seismic shifts in the twenty-first century have led many successful single women to ask, Is it possible to have it all? Are men intimidated by my achievements? Is it my destiny to spend the rest of my life alone?

Needless to say, this new dating era isn't for the weak. I liken it to riding an emotional roller coaster wearing a blindfold. One minute you're having the time of your life, and the next minute you don't know what the hell is going on and all you want to do is get off.

And I don't know if you've realized this yet, but everyone has baggage. Everyone! Anyone who tells you they don't have baggage is either a child or a damn liar. Between the crap our parents passed on to us and the double scoop of crap our exes put us through, it's a miracle some of us even leave the house. When it comes to dating, most of us feel about it the way my mother feels about technology -- anxious, frustrated, and filled with hatred.

I remember my high school health class with Miss Good, who, God bless her heart, seemed just as anxious and inexperienced about sex as the awkward bunch of grade 9 students she was teaching. I always found it interesting how much importance was put on sex education, but nothing was ever said about dating and love. Now, I'm not dismissing the importance of sex education, but let's be real -- it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to put tab A into slot B. My grandmother never had a class about her vulva, and she had 12 children. Homegirl figured it out! Relationships are way more complex, but for some reason our parents, friends, and society have always just assumed you'll pick the right person, settle down, get married, and push out a couple of kids. Easy, right? Grandma did that without any instructions. So when it doesn't happen the same way for you, those same people will chastise and blame you for not following the status quo. Why do people feel so comfortable attacking single people? I'll explore that question later on.

Single Girl Problemsis a book that looks to change the narrative about what it means to be a single woman in the twenty-first century. We are driving the real estate market, running Fortune 500 companies, and having premarital sex. According to New York Magazine, single women are the most potent political force and are transforming American politics, so why are we still being treated like "spinsters" of the 1950s?

Getting married is still seen as a woman's biggest accomplishment -- second only to becoming a mother. Single Girl Problemswill help you see single life as an important journey to figure out who you are and what you want. If I achieve nothing else, I hope this book will reveal a more accurate picture of what it means to be single, help break down what's going on, and hopefully take a bit of the edge off. It's time to turn the page on the single woman's storyline.

Excerpted from Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isn't a Problem to Be Solved by Andrea Bain All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.