A good apology Four steps to make things right

Molly Howes

Book - 2020

"Dr. Molly Howes uses her own experiences with patients at her practice to exemplify the importance of a proper apology, and how we can all hone our technique. Learn how to craft an effective apology with this four-step model: 1. Listen to and empathize with the other person's hurt 2. Make a sincere statement of regret and acknowledge harmful actions 3. Make restitution for the pain caused 4. Prevent repetition of the injury An apology is a small-scale event between people, but it's enormously powerful. Never until now has there been a comprehensive book giving readers the tools to fix their relationships, make amends, and move forward, all through the power of a great apology"--

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Subjects
Genres
Self-help publications
Published
New York : Grand Central Publishing 2020.
Language
English
Main Author
Molly Howes (author)
Edition
First edition
Physical Description
xvi, 267 pages ; 24 cm
Bibliography
Includes bibliographical references (pages 233-252) and index.
ISBN
9781538701317
  • Introduction
  • Part I. Apologizing is too Hard to do and too Important Not to
  • Chapter 1. Why Apologize?
  • Box: Benefits of Good Apologies
  • Chapter 2. It's So Very Hard to Do
  • Box: Apology Myths
  • Chapter 3. It's Not Easy but It's Not Mysterious
  • Box: The Four Steps of a Good Apology
  • Part II. How to Apologize
  • Chapter 4. Step One: Don't Just Do Something; Stand There
  • Box: Practice Scripts for Step One
  • Chapter 5. Step Two: Say It and Mean It
  • Box: Practice Scripts for Step Two
  • Chapter 6. Step Three: Debts, IOUs, and Making Things Whole
  • Box: Practice Scripts for Step Three
  • Chapter 7. Step Four: Never Again!
  • Box: Practice Scripts for Step Four
  • Part III. What, There's More?
  • Chapter 8. The Aftermath
  • Box: After the Apology
  • Chapter 9. What About the Apology Recipient?
  • Box: Choices for the Hurt Person
  • Chapter 10. When Not to Apologize
  • Box: When It's Better Not to Apologize
  • Conclusion. You Can Make Things Right
  • Box: What If?
  • Acknowledgments
  • Notes
  • Index
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

In this inviting debut, clinical psychologist Howes uses her experience to provide advice for better apologies. She argues that "relationships are like a contact sport: We frequently bang and bruise one another, often without meaning to cause harm. If we want to participate fully, we need to develop the skills to recover from the inevitable hurts and get back in the game--hopefully together." She guides readers through the steps of a good apology--listen, sincerely take responsibility, make amends, and make changes to reduce future mistakes--and explains potential pitfalls in the process and reasons why the seemingly simple steps can be so difficult to institute. Throughout, Howes illustrates her principles with stories of clients who have repaired serious relationship rifts. She also provocatively explores incidents in which apologies, successful and unsuccessful, have played out on a public stage, such as apologies professed during the #MeToo movement and debates over racial reparations. Each chapter concludes with a box of straightforward summary and practice scripts--which are worth the price of the book in themselves. Those looking for a way to say sorry and mean it will learn much from Howe's approachable demystification of the art of the apology. (July)

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