Empowered love : use your brain to be your best self & create your ideal relationship

Empowered love Use your brain to be your best self & create your ideal relationship

Steven Stosny

Book - 2018

"Ever wonder why your self-control, rationality, and compassion seem to go out the window when dealing with your partner? Couples therapist and psychiatrist Steven Stosny explains it all in this revelatory book about the divide between our adult and our toddler brains. Too often, conflict in our intimate relationships reactivates our least-regulated "toddler" side, bringing out an instinctive desire to assert our own way and make everything a zero-sum game. Dr. Stosny shows the way toward overcoming these destructive impulses and nurturing our more loving and clear-eyed inclinations. Drawing upon his decades of experience in working with troubled marriages, he distills his insights into an actionable guide for embracing our b...est impulses in our relationships. Power Love is a valuable guide for married and live-in couples who struggle with an unhealthy dynamic; those already in individual or couples therapy who want a highly effective aid to help them communicate with their partner; and licensed therapists and counselors looking for an in-depth perspective on the developmental stages in play with relationship strife. Praise for the Author "The book takes readers beyond verbal affirmations to taking actions that provide a meaningful basis for moving ahead with the healing process."--Kirkus Reviews "Stosny's workbook-like exercises help you apply what you're learning to your own unique situation. You'll feel like you have a personal coach guiding you to better times!" -- Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and The Sex-Starved Marriage "Stosny has broken new ground for individuals moving forward from any type of betrayal or violation of the intimate bonds of relationships. He takes the reader beyond hurt, even beyond healing, into the area of personal mastery by way of compassion." -- Patricia Love, Ed. D., coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It and Never Be Lonely Again"--

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Subjects
Love.
Interpersonal relations.
Motivation (Psychology)
Published
Mineola, New York : Ixia Press [2018]
Language
English
Main Author
Steven Stosny (author)
Physical Description
xiii, 226 pages ; 23 cm
ISBN
9780486819402
  • Preface: Love Relationships: A World of Their Own
  • Part I. Toddlers in Love
  • Chapter 1. Love in the Wrong Part of the Brain
  • Chapter 2. How Can I Be Me While You're Being You?
  • Chapter 3. Toddler-Brain Coping Mechanisms
  • Chapter 4. Toddler-Brain Relationship Destroyers
  • Chapter 5. Toddler Love Is a Jealous God
  • Chapter 6. Relationship Dynamics in Toddler Love
  • Part II. Adults in Love
  • Chapter 7. Overcoming Intimate Relationship Dynamics in the Adult Brain
  • Chapter 8. The Adult Brain Uses Values to Balance the Grand Human Contradiction
  • Chapter 9. The Adult Brain Uses Metaphors to Balance the Grand Human Contradiction
  • Chapter 10. Closeness and Distance: The Laws of Emotional Bonds
  • Chapter 11. Binocular Vision
  • Chapter 12. Adults in Love Respect Individuality and Honor Differences
  • Chapter 13. Developing Adult-Brain Habits
  • Chapter 14. Power Love Negotiation
  • Chapter 15. To Get the Partner You Most Want to Have, Be the Partner You Most Want to Be
  • Chapter 16. Sex and Power Love
  • Chapter 17. Empowering Power Love
  • Chapter 18. The Most Loving Thing You Can Say to Your Partner: Teach Me How to Love You
  • Epilogue and Summary
  • Appendix: The Toddler Love Epidemic
  • Index
Review by Kirkus Book Review

An inviting game plan for achieving loving, lasting relationships.After exploring the minefields of emotional blunders and personal suffering, Stosny (Soar Above: How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain Under Any Kind of Stress, 2016) insightfully examines the pitfalls and challenges of committed relationships. Applying his expertise as a relationship authority in this affable guide, the author outlines a series of problematic and very realistic scenarios and an accompanying set of solutions. Stosny believes one of the main reasons why relationships are so difficult is because "the biology that brings us together doesn't keep us together." However, biology is just one factor among many influencing a relationship's destiny: fluctuating compassion, trust, focus, energy, and flaring emotions all contribute to the longevity of a partnership. The author reiterates his theory on the "Toddler brain" versus the "Adult brain" and the importance of utilizing the proper organ when making the important everyday choices as well as in matters of love. He navigates through the emotional blind spots and coping mechanisms of relationships in jeopardy and addresses the nuances of blame, criticism, jealousy, and entitlement and how they correlate with the idea of immature "Toddler love" and contribute to love's demise. In the book's more relatable and applicable second half, Stosny focuses on how the use of "Power love," a theory that relationships are based on desire, support, and values rather than emotional needs or fleeting feelings, can cultivate individual growth and nurture synergistic relationship bonds. Readers will garner valuable negotiating strategies, learn interactive exercises (including a "bedroom scoreboard") to engage more proactively with their partners, and apply practical knowledge on shepherding their own relationships away from destructive behaviors and toward a unifying, durable connection.Readers on the lookout for self-development and a deeper loving connection with their partner will find ideas and guidance galore in this sensible relationship manual. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

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