CHAPTER 1 The WHOLE TIME I thought it was the meatball who did it, but it turned out to be that sweet little french fry. It was the scariest movie I've EVER seen. I have to give it my highest rating-- ARNie and Peezo at the MOVIES I didn't like it one bit. It wasn't even scary. WHAT?! Was the director SLEEPING when he made this film? He completely ruined the scene where the meatball and the french fry come face-to-face. Any good director knows that a little dramatic lighting and some high/low camera angles make things WAY scarier. I'm giving it my lowest rating--0 out of 5 pizza toppings! Ya see, that's one of the things I like best about being friends with Peezo--we don't always agree on everything but we STILL get along. Hey, a bunch of news trucks are in the parking lot. I bet Queenie LaTaffy is being interviewed again. Queenie LaTaffy is the latest teen tuba-playing sensation, and she passed through town last week to visit her aunt Chewy. Peezo LOVES her and wants to get her autograph more than anything . Her new song, OOMPAH-OOMPAH WOW-WOW, has been #1 on the TOP 40 TUBA HITS chart for three weeks in a row! Peezo, I think Queenie LaTaffy is outside. Queenie LaTaffy! Queenie LaTaffy! Queenie LaTaffy! Sorry, guys, she's still on her "OOMPA-OOMPA WOW-WOW Out-of-This-WORLD" tour. Awww, DARN. There, there. The newspeople aren't interviewing Queenie LaTaffy or ANY famous person--they're interviewing my neighbor, Loretta Schmoretta! I wonder what's going on. Folks, it looks like we've got a real outer space--or in THIS case, outer SPASTRY--story on our hands. Loretta Schmoretta is the sixteenth person today claiming to have been abducted by alien doughnuts, then released after the aliens stole their Downtown Bakery doughnuts! Tell us more, Loretta. Okay. Well, I was walking through the parking lot to my apartment with my bag of DOWNTOWN BAKERY doughnuts when I heard a LOUD CLINKING noise overhead. I looked up and saw a FLYING SAUCER floating above me! Actually, it was a flying CUP and saucer. I tried to run but a glowing beam of green, sticky jelly stopped me in my tracks. SUDDENLY I was inside the spacecraft, surrounded by gigantic DOUGHNUT CREATURES! There must have been a DOZEN of them! They kept staring at me and mumbling to one another. I couldn't understand a word they said. They just stared and mumbled. STARED AND MUMBLED. STARED AND MUMBLED. STARED AND MUBLED Yeah, we get it. THEN what happened? Then they grabbed my doughnuts, and next thing I knew I was back on the ground. I saw them fly off and I haven't seen them since! Loretta Schmoretta, why do you think the aliens are abducting Earthling doughnuts? Do you think they're rescuing them before they come back to take over Earth? Oh, dear. I hadn't thought of THAT . I bet you're right. Well, you heard it HERE, folks--ALIEN DOUGHNUTS FROM OUTER SPASTRY ARE PLANNING TO TAKE OVER EARTH BECAUSE WE EAT DOUGHNUTS! Copyright © 2014 by Laurie Keller Excerpted from Invasion of the Ufonuts by Laurie Keller All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
