Stalking the soul : emotional abuse and the erosion of identity

Stalking the soul Emotional abuse and the erosion of identity

Marie-France Hirigoyen

Book - 2000

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Subjects
Psychological abuse.
Identity (Psychology)
Published
New York : Helen Marx Books c2000.
Language
English
French
Main Author
Marie-France Hirigoyen (-)
Other Authors
Thomas Moore (-), Helen Marx
Edition
1st ed
Item Description
Translation of: Le harcelement moral : la violence perverse au quotidien.
Physical Description
xi, 211 p. ; 25 cm
Bibliography
Includes bibliographical references (p. 209-211).
ISBN
9781885586537
  • Translator's Note
  • Introduction
  • Part I. Emotional Abuse
  • 1. Emotional Abuse in Private Life
  • Emotional Abuse in Couples
  • Emotional Abuse in Families
  • 2. Emotional Abuse in the Workplace
  • What Is Abuse?
  • Who Is Targeted?
  • Who Attacks Whom?
  • How the Victim Becomes Disarmed
  • How Abuse Begins
  • The Organization That Permits Abuse
  • The Organization That Encourages Abusive Methods
  • Part II. The Abusive Relationship
  • 3. Emotionally Abusive Seduction
  • 4. Communication in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
  • Refusal of Direct Communication
  • Distortion of Language
  • Lies
  • The Use of Sarcasm, Ridicule, Contempt
  • The Use of Paradox
  • Invalidation
  • Divide and Conquer
  • The Imposition of Power
  • 5. The Stages of Emotional Abuse
  • Hatred Becomes Overt
  • Abuse Comes into Play
  • The Victim Is Cornered
  • 6. The Abuser
  • Abusive Narcissism
  • Narcissism
  • The Transition to Abusiveness
  • Megalomania
  • Vampirism
  • Denial of Responsibility
  • Paranoia
  • 7. The Victim
  • The Victim as Object
  • The Victim as Masochist?
  • The Victim's Scruples
  • The Victim's Strength
  • The Victim's Naivete
  • Part III. Consequences of Abuse
  • 8. Consequences of the "Seizure of Power" Phase
  • Withdrawal
  • Confusion
  • Doubt
  • Stress
  • Isolation
  • 9. Long-Term Consequences
  • Shock
  • Decompensation
  • Separation
  • Evolution
  • 10. Practical Advice for the Couple and the Family
  • Reorientation
  • Action
  • Psychological Resistance
  • Legal Intervention
  • 11. Practical Advice for the Workplace
  • Reorientation
  • Finding Help Within the Organization
  • Psychological Resistance
  • Action
  • Legal Intervention
  • Organizing Prevention
  • 12. Taking Charge Psychologically
  • The Healing Process
  • Psychotherapeutic Options
  • Conclusion
  • Afterword
  • Notes
  • Bibliography
Review by Publisher's Weekly Review

Claiming that emotionally abusive relationships are widespread in marriages, families and the workplace, French psychotherapist Hirigoyen illuminates the subtle, insidious relationship that "emotional abusers" and their "victims" evolve. While recognizing that the "clean violence" of an emotional abuserÄwho as a "natural manipulator" often attracts others with a dynamic, winning styleÄis hard to prove, she aims to enable those who are being abused to recognize what's going on and get help, and to alert her fellow therapists to the danger signs. Often, emotional abuse builds over a long period of time until it becomes so unbearable that victims lash out in frustration and anger, only to appear unstable and aggressive themselves. This, according to Hirigoyen, is the intent of many abusers: to systematically "destabilize" and confuse their victims (with irrational, threatening behavior that preys on the victim's fears and self-doubts), to isolate and control them and ultimately to destroy their identity. These relentless "predators" are also incapable of compassion or empathy, always blame the victim and never see their actions as wrong. Already a bestseller in France, this clearly written and compassionate book offers sensible advice (get support and leave the relationship if the abuse is personal; take legal action if it is professional), though it may not be easy to execute in every case. A smooth translation, combined with a foreword by Thomas Moore and a jacket blurb from Alice Miller, should help this book find a niche readership of thoughtful self-help readers and therapists. (Nov.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Review by Library Journal Review

Hirigoyen's book, a best seller in France, paints a chilling portrait of emotional abuse and offers practical advice on combatting it. Ultimately, however, it is a disjointed cross between a self-help book and a semischolarly resource. Abusers, this psychiatrist and family therapist believes, are predators who appropriate another person's life by first paralyzing him or her to prevent counterattack. Practiced in seducing others, they often publicly pass themselves off as victims when, in fact, they are much closer to narcissists. In a section on vampirism, Hirigoyen says that the abuser "needs the flesh and essence of another to fill himself with." This chapter and others reveal her tendency to make rather extreme statements. Of course, much meaning and clarity could have been lost in the translation, and one hopes that further English editions will better relate Hirigoyen's concepts. Not recommended. (Afterword not seen.)ÄPaula Arnold, ingenta inc (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

(c) Copyright Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

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